Sunday, September 19, 2004 :
I decided I needed to have a little social life and so I went out to the bars Saturday night for the first time in quite a while. I did meet a guy who told me that I was "the best looking guy in the bar" which of course I fell for and I went home with him. "Home" was his hotel, and he was visiting from Santa Barbara. It was good for my ego to be worshipped by a 22 year old hottie, who called me a "hottie" and was all into me. He had some spandex shorts that he insisted I put on, and he really liked that. I have to admit I did too.... :)
Sunday I worked out and I saw my trainer (who I don't use any more) and we had a conversation. Several times during the discussion, he told me how great I looked! He is 24 and HOT himself, and to hear this was of course nice to hear. Since we first met and began working out together, I have lost 13 pounds and admittedly do look better and leaner.
And to end an already pretty interesting weekend (at least for me, the working stiff that I am) I got a call from the guy I was dating late last year for a few months. I haven't seen him since we broke up and he was "in town" and wanted to stop by and get some books he left at my house. It turns out he got a new Mercedes convertible, like the one I have! It was nice visiting with him and getting caught up.
Let's see, what else. I shampooed the carpets last weekend and this weekend I cleaned the sliding glass doors and windows. I forgot what great view I have from my condo! And speaking of the condo, my equity has increased significantly over the 1.5 years I've owned and I am refinancing and will be lowering my payments significantly and getting cash out. I will pay off some debts and will be able to save a significant amount of money per month for my investment activities.
I've been reading and studying significantly the stock markets and investing. I believe I am close to testing some investing methods and techniques that I am able to back test with some incredible software that is available. I'm looking forward to testing it out, using the money management techniques I've learned about over the past few months. With the extra cash I'll have due to the refinance, I'll have plenty of working capital to test my investing theories! One thing I have learned from my studies is that very few people ever make money in the markets. In fact, over 90% of all investors (day traders especially) lose their money within 9 months. That means only 10% or less make any money, and they make it from the other 90%! I'm trying to understand what the 10% know and do to be successful. I do not intend to be part of the 90%. I believe I've made significant progress on my studies and plan to move forward agressively, but carefully over the upcoming months.
Monday, September 06, 2004 :
My ex is out of jail again.
I have to be honest that this guy has had much more of an impact on me than I like to admit. He was the first guy I fell in love with after I officially came out of the closet nearly 8 years ago now. Then he turns out to be a con artist, liar, and thief. Even so, I had some of the most amazing sex I've ever had in my life, and felt a bond and love that I've rarely felt. I've certainly not felt love to that extent, since then. And now he's out of jail and has emailed me. He sounds very happy and like he's grown up significantly.
All this has me depressed and thinking that I've been wasting my life away. No significant relationships, no dating, nothing but work, eat, gym, sleep, work..... a lonely existence for a guy who from all appearances has his life TOTALLY together! Successful career, intelligent, handsome, sense of humor. But eternally SINGLE! I feel certain that if I really wanted a boyfriend I've have one in a heartbeat. But I don't think I really want one? Or maybe I'm afraid of one. Fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, fear of another botched relationship. Fear of being conned again by someone I love and trust?
I don't know.
But right now, I'm walking down to Santa Monica Blvd. with a book to the Gay Starbucks. If you see me, please walk over to me, smile and say hello. I could use a nice warm smile and a friendly hello right about now!
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
