I'm Gay, so what?

It is a bit frustrating that much of what I would want to write about here and that is significant in my life at the moment, I can not write about. My job, where I work, where I drive every day, the people I interact with on a daily basis. These things I can not write about here because I would put my job in jeopardy. It would identify who I am and I'd get busted for being gay and I'd be fired. This is a very sad thing, but true.

So finding something to write about is sometimes a challenge! If all I'm left with is to write about my personal life while I'm in West Hollywood, then things are pretty dull, because I have no personal life or social life to speak of (at least lately).

So here's the dull and boring in a nutshell:

I've not worked out in nearly two weeks. I'm pretty sure though that my weight is still somewhere near 175 lbs.
The weather this summer in Los Angeles has been mild and very near perfect. It's times like these that I wonder why I ever thought I'd leave L.A. and move to New York.
My Kittty turns 15 this month. We've been together since he was a kitten. He still loves to run, play, and sleep in my lap. He comes to me like a dog when I call him. He has been the best companion EVER over the past 15 years. We've been roommates and moved together at least 12 times over that period of time. Been through a couple (yes, only two) lovers over that time.
My work is getting very busy. The busy I've been expecting for over 18 months has finally arrived.

Sorry, but that's about all I can come up with today! My creative juices just aren't flowing!

After arriving home from work yesterday afternoon, I sat on the back porch to relax and pull my thoughts together. I'd been in a total fogged out zone for the whole weekend, wasting away my time and my life playing video games. Part of me thinks I'm just getting all the stuff out of my system that I did not do when I had a non-existent, or minimally unhappy, childhood. I thought, I deserve to stay up all night playing video games. Another part of me says that I could be doing better things with my time. Like meeting people and making new friends. Maybe even a boyfriend?

But back to my thoughts on the porch. Sometimes when I sit and reflect, which is not often these days, I wonder "am I missing something?" Is there a point to Life that I am supposed to get, but that I just keep missing? I stopped and asked myself that question. My mind began to wonder all over the place. "Discipline" I thought. Stop all the wandering thoughts and bring your mind under control! But NO I thought. Let your mind do what it wants! Let it be creative! Stop trying to suppress your mind! Let it fly! And so I did. (Do I sound a little psychotic?)

I thought about things like What is the next big THING to happen in the world? THINGS that sort of sneak up on us and catch us by surprise until we look back on it and see how important it was. Like the manufacturing revolution early last century. The "information" and technology revolutions, and ultimately the Internet and all the amazing ramifications that has had on our society (like the free exchange of information for the first time EVER, as an example).

So what IS the next big thing? Is it some amazing new discoveries with Biotechnology? Is it something (as suggested on web sites like www.wingmakers.com) like the discovery of scientific proof of the human soul, which leads to contact with a cosmic society outside our own planet and travel through space and time? Do our scientists discover another dimension and find out ways to access/travel to it? I don't know, but it could be these things. It is probably something we never can even IMAGINE right now.

As I sat there on the porch, watching, listening, observing, thinking.... I asked myself the question "is there anything that I don't want to think about because the truth of it hurts too much? Is there a reality staring me in the face, that I don't want to see? The current state of pessimism and terrorism and war came to mind. We no longer live in a world where we can feel safe and secure. Our world faces the certainty of nuclear annihilation if we don't figure out how to get along. And I really don't think we'll figure it out. So either we enter into a new age, post nuclear, or we get some help from some supernatural's or superior beings, or something like that. Personally, I think it could go either way. I think there is a real possibility we destroy ourselves and those who survive will be living without all the wonderful technological contraptions we've all become so accustomed to using every day. I also think some Beings, that may have been watching and helping us for a long time already, could step in and keep us from destroying ourselves. Again, maybe like suggested in the Wingmaker's materials.

Whatever happens in the days and years ahead I think it will be something so different, so amazing, that few of us will have predicted it, and all of us will be changed. Life will be incredibly different. Better or worse I do not know. But I have the distinct sense that our lives and our world is about to change BIG TIME.