There are a number of subjects I've been wanting to discuss here but I've been a little preoccupied with other tasks. The subjects are:
My interesting experiences of Sunday night while still in San Francisco
What I learned about my ex boyfriend who was arrested and got out of jail a couple years ago...
The story of the 24 year old I met this past Sunday and what he wanted from me....
I don't have time for all this now, but let me start with my ex. This is the guy who has borderline personality disorder and got busted defrauding another guy in Arizona and got arrested for fraud. He got out of jail a couple years ago and moved back to San Francisco. He emailed me immediately and gave me his cell phone number. I did not stay in contact with him, but since I was going to San Francisco, I was tempted to look him up. It has after all, been 8 years. And I was after all, madly in love with this person.
Anyway, I had heard from the guy in Arizona that he had violated his parole. So I did some fishing and found a web site where you can look up information about inmates and I found out that my ex is back in jail! Has been for several months!
That solved that problem. The temptation to see him vanished into thin air.
Sunday, May 23, 2004 :
Okay my innner bombshell: don't miss the more important posts beyond this one....
Va-Va-Voom! You're inner Bombshell is Mae West. You've definitly got a lot of wit, a lot of smarts, and you know how to use people to your advantage. Ever heard the phrase "doesn't take any crap from anybody"? Well that's you! Just like Mae you never want to settle down, and can't imagine being with just one man for the rest of your life. You don't care about conventions and have no filter from your brain to you mouth. Check out the movie "She Done Him Wrong" to see your inner bombshell in all her voluptuous glory!
"Wow! thanks for explaining that. It really helped. I have just one more question. You said that God created most gay men to be that way, but hasn't god clearly designed humans to have sex and relations with the opposite sex? I'm curious to see your point of view.
thanks again,"
My answer:
Good, I'm glad it helped. BTW, I posted my answer to your email on my blog site. I did NOT reveal your identity.
I can answer your latest question with what I know/believe to be the correct answer, but you need to do some research on your own and believe it in your heart.
Yes, of course God created humanity with the ability for man and woman to have sex for the purpose of procreation, to continue the species.
But he also created some of us to be gay. In history, many people who were gay were actually considered special, in touch with God on an amazing level. Many of the spiritual leaders in ancient times were gay and gay was not an issue. Gay people were considered to have all the aspects of God, both male and female, and were even worshipped!
But I digress. When I was trying to figure all this out, I ran across a book called "What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality" by Daniel Helminiak (the name doesn't do much for public relations on the book, granted). You can get it online probably. If not, any gay bookstore in a major city will have it. If you can't find it, let me know and I'll get you a copy.
There are so many things that are said in the church that we take as truth, when they are not truth. The story of Sodom in the bible is used so much to condemn homosexuality. But that is not what the story is about at all! The book goes into great detail about that. Certainly Jesus never condemned homosexuality. No where in the bible can you find such a statement. The story of Sodom is about inhospitality, not homosexuality. But you need to decide that for yourself, and only by doing some exploring and reading.
If you are interested in doing more exploring, I can do a little research and give you some sources to back up what I'm saying here, if you don't find them yourself. I'm writing this on the fly and don't have my sources handy to quote them. But I'd be happy to do so if you ask.
I had an email question from a reader that I want to post here. I get a lot of Google searches from people searching for answers about being gay, so I'm posting this post for all those who are seeking some answers.
Here's the email, without identifying the person who sent it:
"hello. i have a sort of weird question for you. you don't have to answer it if you dont want to. my question is, what was your childhood like, and when did you first realize that you were gay? i'm a bit confused about how somebody becomes gay. i heard some people say that it's a gene, but i don't think thats true. > >I'm sorry if these questions made you uncomfortable, i'm just a bit curious. > >thank you,
Dear x:
I don't mind answering.
I had similar questions when I was much younger. I had suspicions that I was gay because when I would see a good looking guy and girl, for example, in a magazine or on the street, I found myself drawn/attracted to the man. It took me a long time to admit this to myself, because I was brought up a Christian, and in our society it was/is not acceptable to be gay. So I suppressed and denied all that.
No, I do not think being gay has anything to do with how you are brought up. MOST people who are gay were born that way. I know this from experience, which I'll explain more in a bit.
I say MOST because I do know there are rare exceptions where a young man (I guess it could happen to a woman, but I only know about the man's perspective) is molested or raped or something along those lines by a male figure. It could be a father, neighbor, policeman, etc., but against the young person's will. I believe that in some cases these people might think they are gay because this happened to them, and so they "program" themselves into believing they are gay and so "learn" to like men. Other young men may be effeminate and everyone teases them that they are gay, but may in reality be straight. But all the teasing could make them believe they are gay and they act like it the rest of their life.
But I truly believe the vast majority of gay men are that way because that is just how God made them. Or if you prefer, they were born with those traits and there is nothing in the world you can do to change it. I am one of these. I tried everything to change it. EVERYTHING. But I love men, and when I finally admitted that to myself and others, and realized I was OK to be this way, I was so much more happy and free.
For the small majority who were molested and were maybe not really born gay, those are the rare people you hear about in these "recovery" programs who suddenly "turn straight." I've been through the recovery programs myself, and know that hardly anyone ever "turns straight" or gets "healed" of homosexuality. The few who do were never gay in the first place. What they got healed of was the trauma that made them think they were gay in the first place.
P.S. to the person who sent me this.... I may not have answered your question, and will be happy to give more details about my childhood if you want it. Email me again if you want to ask more questions.
Sunday, May 16, 2004 :
Hello from San Francisco! Via sattelite.
I arrived Saturday with no plans for what I'd do for the weekend. I debated calling one of my friends but you know what? I decided to remain anonymous and just go with the flow.
I visited my old neighborhood the Castro and did some window shopping, had a drink at the corner of 18th/Castro (was the Elephant bar, I've forgotten the name for now) then went back to the hotel to finish the book I bought at LAX before departure.
About 8 pm I headed back to the Castro with the idea I'd have a drink and dinner at one of my old favorite restaurants. I stopped in The Bar on Castro(that's the name!) for a drink but the place felt unfriendly and the bartender seemed put out he had to serve me a drink. I said adios to that place and went to Badlands where the real fun began!
While having a very delicious drink served by an equally delicious bartender, an EXTREMEMELY gorgious guy gave me a warm, friendly smile. His name is Jonathan, he's French, 25, and a model. He was with his friend Al who was from San Fran. Jonathan, visiting from Paris, seemed to act as if it was his job to make everyone around him feel good about themselves. I hung out with them a bit, bought them a drink then decided I better get dinner. Jonathan insisted I return after dinner and rejoin them. I did, but more on that in a minute.
I had dinner at my favorite restaurant in the world. It's called Luna. It used to be called Cafe Luna Pienna. It is right on Castro St. East of 18th. What I love about it is the garden seating in the back. Rain or shine, year round you can enjoy eating in the garden that includes a pond, and just the right amount of canopies and wind protection (and heaters of course) to make you comfortable. There is even the intermittant sound of frogs singing which apparently come from next door at the nursery. I was sure it was a sound track like they have at Disneyland but the waiter insisted it was real.
After my lovely dinner I returned to Badlands and found my new friends. We danced together and there was another very cute guy who was flirting with me. The boys wanted to go to a place called Este Noche, the only bar in the city that has a tranny show and it is mostly latins who go. I had always wanted to go because this is the place my ex, Ricardo liked going to when he visited the city when we were still partners. It reminds me a lot of the main bar in Puerta Vallarta, Paco Pacos. No wonder Ricardo liked this place so much, it reminded him of home!
We watched the tranny show then the boys left and I stayed on and met the very wild and crazy Mel, who was visiting with friends from Monterrey (Calif.). Thinking back on this is weird because it is from Monterrey, Mexico that Ricardo was born. Mel and I danced until 3 am. If you saw us you would not have called it dancing, actually. I won't give you the details but suffice it to say I'm blushing even now as I think about what we were doing in front of all those hot gay boys!
Mel is visiting LA next weekend and I'm debating if I want, or can handle the wild adventure of Mel in my own hometown...
Today's only Sunday and I can say I've already had more fun in one day than I've had in many' many years.
It is 1:30. What will I do with the rest of this lovely day?
I'm going to San Francisco for a quick business trip and decided to go a day early and spend the weekend! I've not been in several years and I'm very excited. I lived there for two years and some of my best friends still live there. Watch out San Francisco!
I've decided to get back into some serious investing. I was really into it until the markets busted a few years ago, but realize now that I've waited too long to get back in. Not that I can't make some money, but damn! I wish I'd gotten back in last year! At any rate, I'm back in and I really enjoy it. That's what I've been doing with my spare time lately instead of blogging. Studying the markets, reading newsletters, making trades, repositioning my accounts. I've been burned badly in the past and so I'm being very careful this time around.
I'm really trying to get control of my finances. I have a huge amount of debt, and realized recently that I will never have enough money to retire unless I get really serious about making outstanding returns for the rest of my working life. I've also reduced my telephone services, cable services, etc., to cut out all the crap I don't use or need. I'm even making my own sandwiches for lunch! Now for me, THAT is SERIOUS s**t!
Oh! I weighed myself yesterday and I weighed in at 178 lbs! I was quite happy about that. I suspected I'd lost some weight, because my watch is loose on my wrist (for the first time in over 6 years) and I'm looking pretty damn good in the mirror! And all that with a broken toe. I'm still working out, but I can't do any aerobics. Once I'm able to do that again, I suspect I'll get even leaner and harder. I've readjusted my diet to lower/better carbs, and that really seems to be helping (along the lines of a South Beach diet program).
I went to see Van Helsing at the Grove in Beverly Hills. WOW! I loved it! After the movie as I was leaving I saw a small crowd of people circling someone. It turned out to be Mohammad Ali with what I assume was his wife. The scene was very touching, and brings me to tears thinking about it. He is unable to speak, but he is not unable to please a crowd. He looked really healthy, and had a smile on his face. He seemed peaceful and full of love. As did his wife. He was posing for pictures with kids, holding them in his arms, posing for the cameras. He even played around, and picked up a baby stroller (playfully showing off how strong he is, playing his old character) while onlookers took pictures. He joked with an older man in his 40's like he was going to box with him, and Mohammad encouraged the man to come to him, then took the man's fist and placed it up to Mohammad's face like the man had just hit him, while flashes from nearby cameras went off. It was really moving. I could feel the love and the power of the man.
I got into my Benz, pushed the magic button and the top came down and folded into the trunk. I drove home via Robertson so I could see (and be seen) if the boys were out in force at Here and the Abbey. NOT. Here was empty and no line. Too early I guess, but I was surprised. I drove slowly down Santa Monica Blvd. and now here I am, home.
As soon as I got home I called my mom and told her about Mohammad. I started to get all choked up about it.
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
