I'm Gay, so what?



Sunday, February 29, 2004 :
 
Congratulations to The Lord of the Rings for all their awards. A gay tribute to the movie:
Go here to find the source, and more of, these pics





::: posted at 9:22 PM



Thursday, February 26, 2004 :
 

How can you help fight Bush? Help out my good friends Steven and Fred. Support their cause. Check out their page: http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/actioncenter/fundraising/steven-139376
 
 


::: posted at 12:37 PM


 

Help us fight the war that President Bush has declared against gay people.

(Andres Sullivan is the former editor of New Republic magazine, quite conservative politically, and gay.  Here are his thoughts about Bush's announcement on gay marriage.)

Subject: "War is Declared" by Andres Sullivan


www.andrewsullivan.com

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

   WAR IS DECLARED: The president launched a war today against the civil rights of gay citizens and their families. And just as importantly, he launched a war to defile the most sacred document in the land. Rather than allow the contentious and difficult issue of equal marriage rights to be fought over in the states, rather than let politics and the law take their course, rather than keep the Constitution out of the culture wars, this president wants to drag the very founding document into his re-election campaign. He is proposing to remove civil rights from one group of American citizens - and do so in the Constitution itself. The message could not be plainer: these citizens do not fully belong in America. Their relationships must be stigmatized in the very Constitution itself. The document that should be uniting the country will now be used to divide it, to single out a group of people for discrimination itself, and to do so for narrow electoral purposes. Not since the horrifying legacy of Constitutional racial discrimination in this country has such a goal been even thought of, let alone pursued. Those of us who supported this president in 2000, who have
backed him whole-heartedly during the war, who have endured scorn from our peers as a result, who trusted that this president was indeed a uniter rather than a divider, now know the truth.

NO MORE PROFOUND AN ATTACK: This president wants our families denied civil
protection and civil acknowledgment. He wants us stigmatized not just by a law, not just by his inability even to call us by name, not by his minions on the religious right. He wants us stigmatized in the very founding document of America. There can be no more profound attack on a minority in the United States - or on the promise of freedom that America represents. That very tactic is so shocking in its prejudice, so clear in its intent, so
extreme in its implications that it leaves people of good will little lee-way. This president has now made the Republican party an emblem of exclusion and division and intolerance. Gay people will now regard it as their enemy for generations - and rightly so. I knew this was coming, but the way in which it has been delivered and the actual fact of its occurrence
is so deeply depressing it is still hard to absorb. But the result is clear, at least for those who care about the Constitution and care about civil rights. We must oppose this extremism with everything we can muster. We must appeal to the fair-minded center of the country that balks at the hatred and fear that much of the religious right feeds on. We must prevent this
graffiti from being written on a document every person in this country should be able to regard as their own. This struggle is hard but it is also easy. The president has made it easy. He's a simple man and he divides the world into friends and foes. He has now made a whole group of Americans - and their families and their friends - his enemy. We have no alternative but to defend ourselves and our families from this attack. And we will.  - 1:23:42 PM



::: posted at 9:27 AM



Wednesday, February 25, 2004 :
 
I had a meeting in West LA this morning, so I took the extra time that alotted me and worked out at the gym. Much to my surprise and pleasure, a handsome young gentleman approached me and introduced himself -- "Hi I'm WEHO Mark." We had a lovely conversation and spoke to each other as if we'd known each other for a long time. We both read each others blogs, and so it was like meeting a friend from a past life or something. It was a great way to start the day...

Please be sure and read Mark's 2/24/04 entry and do as he suggests regarding the whole Bush fiasco and the Constitutional ammendment. Contact your senators and congresspeople!

::: posted at 4:12 PM



Tuesday, February 24, 2004 :
 
America the FREEYeah, right.  I wanted to be a minister when I grew up.  I also wanted to have a family and kids.  I might have even wanted to be an officer in the military.  But I soon found out that I could not do any of these things (in good conscious and still live with myself) because I am gay.  Gay people do not have the same "rights" or life choices that straight people do in this country.  My God, even if I was a different color or a female, I could still join the military and even become an officer, or be ordained as a minister and preach in a mainstream church.  But I let all those dreams go.  But on the positive side, just arriving at a place where I can accept and love myself, is enough.  I'm past the self-loathing, the self-hatred I cast on myself for most of my life because I thought I was too weak to be straight, or because I was a "sinner."  Or so George Bush believes.
 
But all you who are gay understand that we were born that way.  We know because we tried to change.  Some of us went as far as having people lay hands on us and try to exorcise the Demon of Homosexuality. Some of us had people pray for our "healing." Some even tried electric shock therapy and drugs.  But we can't "choose" to be straight any more than a straight person can "choose" to be gay.  Except the lucky ones who are bisexual, but that's another story.
 
Today, on my way into work, George Bush reminded me that I am a sinner.  That I do not have the right to the Pursuit of Happiness and choose a monogamous marriage with a loving life-partner like straight couples can.  Well, first of all, I am NOT a sinner. God made me this way and he loves me just like I am, thank you very much.  George Bush wants an amendment to our constitution that says I am a second class citizen without the rights of those who are straight. Or black, or yellow, or even a non-citizen!  I have less rights than a tourist from Egypt.  He wants our constitution to tell me I can not marry, that I do NOT have the right to equal protection and rights under the constitution of my country.  It won't pass. If it does, I will leave my country.  Right after I help vote George Bush out of office. 
 
Last time I checked gay people (and their friends and families) can VOTE, Mr. Bush.  Or did you get an amendment to take that away too?
 
I hate you George Bush, and all that you stand for.  I hate you for making me feel like I don't belong in my own country.  I can't be a minister (at least in YOUR church), I can't be in the military. I won't have kids with a faked marriage with a women. And I can't marry a man I love and want a monogamous relationship with.
 
In the afterlife, I'm pretty sure George and I won't be seeing each other.  And I'm pretty certain that I'm going to the "good" place. 
 
I memorized these words when I was a young kid and have never forgotten them:
 
"We the People of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
 
Liberty:  1. a. The condition of being free from restriction or control. b. The right and power to act, believe, or express oneself in a manner of one's own choosing.  2. Freedom from unjust or undue governmental control. 3. A right and power to engage in certain actions without control or interference: the liberties protected by the Bill of Rights. 
 
Asshole.


::: posted at 9:34 AM



Monday, February 23, 2004 :
 
I can sum up what I did this weekend in a pretty short paragraph or three because mostly all I did all weekend was play the Playstation 2 game "The Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King."  I can pretty much count on it... when I buy a new video game, I will check out of life for days, weeks, months... however long it takes for me to win the game. No matter what happens.  I will finish the game.  And so, this weekend, I spent every waking hour playing, with the following exceptions:
  • Friday night I met six friends (well, they are all mostly my friend S.'s friends, but I call them that) at The Border Grill in Santa Monica for drinks.  The conversation was fun and I had a chance to catch up with some people I'd not seen in a while.  When we were all leaving, I passed my best friend S. and his boyfriend R. in the parking lot and they invited me over to where they were house-sitting for the weekend in nearby Beverly Hills.  Ever seen a gay porno being filmed live? Up close and personal?  Well I experienced that Friday night with my two friends. But without the cameras.  nuff said.
  • Saturday morning I bought the video game.  Nuff said
  • Saturday afternoon I kept my appointment with my personal trainer at 24 hr. fitness (he's 23, cute, straight), where we began a new routine whereby he yells at me like an Army drill sergeant and I work my Ass off for his pleasure for a whole hour. I'm sore as can be today, two days later. 
  • I spent the rest of my waking hours playing the game.  Until last night about 6:30 my new friend H. (the 20-something Italian boy I never expected to have anything in common with...) called and we had a very nice chat and agreed we'd "get together" this week and "hang out." He is entertaining out of town guests and called to say hi.  How adorable!
  • I spent all of last night going in and out of restless sleep, with dreams of running around on the TV screen trying to kill Orcs and goblins, and getting killed over and over and trying to win, but wasn't.
  • And today, while I should be working, I searched the internet and finally found a step-by-step walk through to help me through the sections of the game that have got me stumped.
Isn't life exciting? 


::: posted at 3:13 PM



Monday, February 16, 2004 :
 
Sometimes I take my health for granted.  For the past several years, in fact, I've been in the best health of my life. But it has not always been so.  For all of my youth, and much of my adulthood, I was not aware that I have intolerances to certain foods (lactose intolerant, allergic to eggs).  And so I was chronically ill.  Chronic Sinusitis, one doctor told me. For years I would get a sinus infection almost like clockwork every year.  Then I'd take antibiotics to cure it, always a stronger and stronger dose because I was becoming tolerant to the drug. 
 
Another doctor diagnosed me as having arthritis.  My joints were all messed up! 
 
And migraines.  I used to get migraine headaches when I was a teenager, but the doctors had no idea why, and back then there were no medications to treat it.  Today I know better.  Migraines are caused through a combination of poor nutrition, lack of sleep/rest, and too much of either alcohol or chocolate.  And so when I had a migraine headache at 4 a.m. Sunday morning, I was painfully reminded that my health is not something I should take for granted.  The pain was so intense I literally thought if I did not die from the pain, I would end it myself just to escape from it.  Immediately aware it was a migraine, I went to the medicine cabinet to grab some migraine medication that had expired 4 years ago.  15 minutes later I was no better, and in fact threw up the medication and went into a cold sweat as I lay on the floor of the bathroom.  Eventually I went to sleep and woke up feeling better.  Later when I was feeling better and looked back and assessed the situation, I knew exactly why I had the migraine.  I had very little to eat all day Saturday. I had a bowl of cereal, then a food bar several hours later. Then wine.  Then fell asleep before getting my dinner. Then the headache.
 
And so the next time someone teases me about my crazy nutritional program (I eat about every 3 hours and take lots of vitamins) I will not listen to them. Instead I will remember how sick I used to be before I stopped eating foods that screwed up my intestines, sinuses and joints.  Today, I rarely get sick, not even the flu or a cold. I'm allergic to eggs so I don't even take the flu shot (it is egg based).  I would get very sick when I got the flu shot and that is how I finally figured out I am allergic to eggs.  When I would go on business trips and I'd eat the hotel breakfasts (usually eggs, omelets, etc.) I'd always end up the rest of the trip feeling like I was coming down with a cold or flu, and my head would be in a fog the rest of the trip. And then I'd not remember most of it.  Most of my life was like this, a series of foggy memories, particularly when I traveled.  And this was not because I was drinking, it was because of the foods I was eating!  It took me so very long to figure all this out. It makes me wonder how many other people are always getting colds or the flu or other problems, and don't even realize it is because of certain foods they are eating.
 
I'm grateful for my good health. I feel and look better than I have my whole life. Proper diet, knowing what I can and can not eat, exercise and lots of sleep have turned me from a chronically sick person to a healthy one.  Even the "arthritis" is gone, which I wonder if I ever really had or not.  Part of the vitamins I take with each meal are enzymes, which I swear help to digest any foods that would otherwise poison me, including getting all stuck in my joints and giving me the symptoms I was having.
 
And so what does all this have to do with being gay you ask? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.


::: posted at 3:14 PM



Thursday, February 12, 2004 :
 
Last Saturday night I spent the evening with H., the twenty-something Italian boy I met just before the Holidays while I was slutting about WEHO on one of those rare occasions I go out alone.  This was only the second time we were together, and I frankly was not expecting much.  I was thinking we did not have that much in common and I wasn't sure how much fun we'd have or if we'd be struggling keeping the conversation going.
 
I was very pleasantly surprised!  I picked him up at his place in Hollywood and we proceeded to take advantage of the fairly nice weather and we put the top down on the Benz and took a ride up Mulholland Drive. Even though I live in L.A., I've never gone to see the "Hollywood" sign, so I asked him to guide me that direction. It was around sunset and it was VERY clear, and it was stunningly beautiful.  I've never seen the city from that vantage point.  We proceeded to the first canyon road, then dipped on down into WEHO.  We proceeded to The Abbey where we each ordered a Chardonnay and we relaxed a bit.  The conversation was light and interesting, and we were having a good time.  Neither one of us felt a need to impress the other so we determined we'd have a simple, inexpensive dinner, and so we did at Koo Koo Roo's on Santa Monica Blvd.  By now we had determined that our lives were just about equally boring, and our interests similar.  He has a J O B, as I do, which keeps us both busy, then too tired to do much else during the week.  We both waste a LOT of time playing video games, and we both drink Chardonnay.  He is one of the most "normal" guys I've met in a long time!  After dinner we went to my place and I turned him on to my favorite PS2 game, Final Fantasy X.  We played, we frolicked, and I took him home.  Fun. 


::: posted at 3:16 PM



Friday, February 06, 2004 :
 
Okay, I've had lot's of requests for pictures. Of me. The reason I don't post pictures of me on my web is because I'm trying to remain anonymous. I realize many of my regular readers have figured out where I work and why I am paranoid about identifying myself on a gay blog site. And I appreciate you keeping my secret a secret. But I keep my pic off the site because all it takes is one person who knows me to find my site, then they email everyone else I know and pretty soon I'm in deep crap and in trouble. One time I did post my picture. Some of you remember that. It was before I lost the weight and tightened up a bit. But from that one pic, someone in my neighborhood recognized me and that was enough of a scare that I took even that pic off.

So anyway, all that to say I'm going to make an effort this weekend or in the near future to take some pics that at least give you an idea of what I look like, but that won't be giving away who I am (i.e. no head in the shot). Even my trainer has said he wished he had taken pictures before we started working out, and after.

All that said, I weighed myself today and I weigh 185 lbs. That is 6 lbs. more than I weighed before the Holidays! I told this to my trainer and he did not seemed concerned. However I am concerned. He said we'd measure the next time to see what's going on. I really HATE the new workout he's given me. It is really hard and I don't like it. But I will give it more time and see if we get the desired results.

::: posted at 6:07 PM


 
I was being a really really good boy all week. Notice the past tense of the word "was." I had no alcohol Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, ThursDAY. Then Thursday NIGHT (last night) I broke down and had wine with dinner. That would have been fine, except I decided to take a walk down to boys town (Santa Monica Blvd.) and I went to Trunks to play pool. I had a great time actually. I met some really nice people and had fun playing pool. If I had only not drank so much. I was drinking beer, and then someone started buying me Schnopps (spelling?). And then I started buying Schnopps for me and my new buddies. Next think I know it's nearly 2 a.m. and I making out with some stranger on the sidewalk.

We did not go home together (I know you wanted to know that). This morning I was feeling it. So I've had my alcohol quota for the whole weekend as far as I'm concerned. But really, I never really ever dreamed that I would have an addiction. I truly must be addicted to alcohol if I have such a hard time leaving it alone. I tried going to an AA meeting a week or so ago, but I could not find the blasted thing. I rushed through rush hour traffic to get where I thought the meeting was only to find that there was no meeting or any such address. CRAP. They really don't make it very easy to find meetings on the internet. Or so I haven't been able to find any. Anyone know of meetings for gay people in the WEHO area?

Admitting to myself that I am an addict is not easy. I grew up an Angel. Momma's little angel. "A" student, class president, church-going high school boy who invited all his friends to youth group. Church summer camps. Magna cum laude in college. Top of my career professionally. No drugs. Eat right. Exercise. Smart as can be. But an addict. I'm a fucking addict. I'm thinking this is my lesson to learn in this lifetime. Humility. Empathy for those who have addictions. Loving patience for the masses who can't control their urges. Blah blah. I'm an addict. And it ain't no big deal.

I've noted something very interesting about myself. When I first came out and moved to San Francisco to the Castro district, I went out almost every night and was a total whore. Fast forward 7 years and now I'm living in WEHO and I almost NEVER go out (alone) to the bars. But on the very rare occasions that I do, like last night, I almost ALWAYS meet someone. What's funny is that one of the reasons I don't go out as much any more (other than I can't afford it, and it's not good for my health) is my fear of being rejected, or not even noticed. But thankfully that was apparently only a fear and not a reality. I've not met anyone I would call boyfriend material, but at least I am scoring occasionally and it's fun. One guy I met just before the Holidays while dancing with my shirt off at the Rage. We have been out a couple times, and we're hooking up tomorrow night for a movie (preferred) or drinks (not preferred for the reasons stated earlier). He's a cute Italian guy in his 20's. I honestly don't see it going anyplace, but I want to give it a chance. It's really weird, but I'm just not that interested in getting into a relationship (oh by the way, did I tell you I broke up with the guy I was dating and went to wine country with??? -- if not sorry). They are so much WORK! Maybe it's because I haven't met the "right" guy, but I have not met anyone in years that has really done it for me. Am I sick? Is this normal?

Hmmm. I'm really rambling aren't I?

Well, I need to get back to work. And the gym. And figure out what the Hell I'm going to do tonight (TGIF) to pass the time and not drink. Let me hear from you out there. What do you do on a Friday night if it does not include alcohol? How do you like to pass the time? Email me thatgaybloggerguy@hotmail.com

::: posted at 2:31 PM


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Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.



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