Tuesday, December 23, 2003 :
BTW, don't think you can figure out how old I am because my mom is in her 80's! I am the last child, and was a "mistake." My dad's rubber broke, or so they tell me. My sisters are 9 and 12 years older than me! So there.
Okay, more about me (hey, this is my page, so I'll be as egocentric as I f**king want).
Younger guys guess my age to be about 10 - 15 years younger than I am. Men over 40 typically guess my age to be 7 - 10 years younger than I am. Yeah for me. Only a very few assholes guess my age to be correct or even older (the guy who guessed older was a teenager). So I'll remember the guys who guessed younger, and forget about the guys who were right.
But I deserve to appear younger than I am. I was in the closet for longer than most people have been alive, and was actually CELIBATE for 10 years. So I deserve to be young and beautiful and having all the sex I did not have when I was younger. The guys I usually end up with are almost always 10+ years younger than me. I would really love it if I could meet another guy my age who is as young-looking and young-at-heart as I am. Then we would have so much more in common, things to talk about. I would love to have the maturity and life experiences of someone my own age to share my life with. But young and gorgeous on the outside ;)
Not that I'm 100 or anything. It's all relative.
Speaking of relatives, I'm supposed to go to my Mom's for Christmas Eve tomorrow with my new BF (sorry no info about him, I don't want to get into trouble again). BUT, I am getting sick. My sinuses are all stuffed up and I either have a sinus infection or the flu. If I have the flu, no one wants to get sick, and my mom is in her 80's so I may have to miss Christmas! We'll see how I fare tonight and how I feel in the morning.
Oh about the high school reunion with my friend today at lunch. She also thought I looked fabulous. She said I'd be the best looking guy at our reunion (and again the youngest looking among our group). She reminded me of a Jethro Tull concert she invited me to one time. I remember that concert like it was yesterday. Not because the concert was great, or even because of the company (I actually forgot it was she who had invited me!). No, it was because of who I ran into while I was getting us a couple cokes. A day or two before the concert, my high school best friend Gary had invited me to a weekend party at some place in Big Bear (or was it Arrowhead?). It reminded me of a college fraternity party. Lot's of drinking and partying. Well I drank and got drunk very early and ended up passing out and sleeping for several hours before the party even got going. And when I woke, I met a girl (yeah a female) that I thought was an angel. She was pretty, sweet, and I really liked her. We talked, kissed (ewwwwh!) and basically acted like you do at that age. I was crazy about her. She about me. Then the weekend was over before I knew it and off I went back home to LA. I actually cried a tear thinking I'd never see her again. And then the concert. In a stadium filled with 80,000? people, walking in the isle, I ran into the girl I'd met at the party. The chances of that happening are like winning the lottery! I did not have her address, phone number (don't ask me why not, I don't even know.... I think she had a boyfriend?) and I certainly did not know she was going to the concert! Well, today, my lady friend who actually invited me to the concert, thanked me for admitting to her this story, because she remembers how aloof I was after I got back from getting the cokes (I told her it was probably more likely because I was gay) and she appreciated it.
Okay, total change of subject. Hey, when I write, I write. Maybe now you appreciate the times I don't!
When I got home from PV, my cat did not rush to the door to greet me. Which was weird. My kitty is like a dog and comes when I call him, sits in my lap when I'm on the couch, sleeps with me in my bed. He loves me and I love him. We've been together for 14 years. He's my family. And so it did not take long for me to figure out that he was sick. Very sick. Foaming at the mouth, lethargic. Yes, I had someone taking care of him. Two very good friends stayed at the house while I was gone and took care of him. But two days before I got home they bought a Christmas plant (okay, I'm drinking and my mind is going, you know the plant, the red thing that you see everywhere this time of year) and put it on the dining table. The plant is very poisonous for cats. So I assumed that was how he got sick. I took him to the vet yesterday and they examined him and they said they wanted to hospitalize him and, oh, the charge would be about $1,000. I said I could not afford that and the nurse excused herself and left and after a very long time came back and said she talked to the doctor ( I never met the mysterious doctor) and they said they could hydrate kitty (with a needle and liquid, like they do for humans in the hospital) and send him home with me with medication. That "only" cost $290 for the emergency visit. I felt much better having Kitty with me. And Kitty is much happier here with me. The stress of the hospital and not being with me, would have been worse for him. He is doing very well. The foaming at the mouth has stopped, his energy has returned and I think he is fine. And I did not give him the antibiotics. Antibiotics are BAD. Kills the good and the bad biotics. So since he's improved, I have decided not to give them to him. Maybe I should take them.
When I was in the vet, and waiting, I got very emotional. What if he died? I almost was crying. I did not realize how much my cat meant to me. I really do love him. We've been through so much. The Northridge Earthquake. 9-12 moves in as many years. A few boyfriends. I don't know how I'll react when he finally dies. My allergies will get better after he dies, but I will really miss him. Really. I'm tearing even now, thinking about it.
Okay, enuff for now. I'll be back with more soon. Really.
I know, I know, I'm overdue for a report on my trip to Puerta Vallarta. I've been holding off because most of it is XXX rated and not suitable for children. And I'm always paranoid someone I know from work will read this and I'll get into trouble. So I'll try to keep it civil, and you can use your imagination.
I am convinced of two things about the Mexican gay people. Well at least the young good-looking ones I've come across in the many years I've been going there. One, they are all Tops (and I'm not talking about "dandy" or "thumbs up" kinda of Tops). Two, they all have a dream of falling in love with a foreigner from a first world country who will rescue them from their poverty, take them home, and live happily ever after. This is really true. It happens all the time. I know several it has happened with. I've not met one gay Mexican who doesn't either overtly or secretly want to be swept off their feet and be taken by a good looking, rich American. Or Canadian. Or European. And regarding the top thing. Even the effeminate, queeny, pretty boys are tops. Imagine that if you can. Or try to get it out of your head, if you can!
Anyway, I had a great time. I think this trip is the first time in my life that I felt comfortable on a beach in a bathing suit, with my shirt off. I have been working out, tanning, and I wasn't sure how the public would perceive me, but I was a hit. I could tell by the way people looked at me (both locals and vacationers), that they thought I was good-looking. This may sound silly to you, but I have NEVER had the confidence to strut my stuff on a gay beach like I did this last week. It did such wonders for my confidence. And so many of the very handsome locals and tourists wanted me. And some of them got what they wanted!
Pepe, Erik, Israel, Memo, Pete&Dave, Angel, and a dozen other names I've already forgotten, are part of the memories of my trip this year (no I did not sleep with all of them, get your mind out of the gutter). Sites and adventures? None. Immersion in the local culture and mingling with people and the locals? Totally.
For those of you who travel to PV regularly, there is a new bar, fairly close to Blue Chairs (where I stayed) but one block inland. Damn I forgot the name, and did not bring home the gay brochure. But there is a new three level bar, that will likely get busy in the January/February travel time. Just an example of how gay Vallarta gets more and more for the gay traveler. Puerta Vallarta, if you don't know, is actually THE gay destination in all of Mexico. Gay vacationers from all over Mexico, especially nearby Guadalajara on weekends, pour into PV for their vacations and reunions with friends and lovers.
I gotta run now. I may perhaps give more details later, I am off to meet an old high school friend I have not seen in a billion years. We're meeting at The Abbey in West Hollywood for lunch.
I just heard from my one and only truly "ex" partner via email. I'd not heard from him since I lent him money so he could leave Amsterdam because he was there illegally (too long on the visa). He swore he'd pay me back even if he had to wash dishes.
Turns out he HAS been washing dishes. Which must be quite humbling for him, as he is/was a very proud man. Raised in a wealthy home in Mexico with servants.... and used to all the finer things of life. Of which I gave him while we were together -- a house in Lake Tahoe, a cell phone, a car. That was when I could afford (not really though) such things. He had it damn good! I wish someone would do that for me!
Anyway, he is still in Amsterdam with his boyfriend of now a year, and seems quite happy. Poor, but happy and living a simple life in a small town in the Netherlands, just minutes from the ocean. Sounds kinda cool eh? It was last year that I visited with him in Amsterdam for New Year's and partyed with him. I did not get to meet his boyfriend because, well, he was intimidated that I was there and their relationship was new, etc. Don't go to Amsterdam in the winter unless you are prepared for very very short days. The sun comes up after 8 am and goes down around 4 (or so I recall). When I arrived by plane in the morning about 7:30 a.m. it was still very dark.
So ironic that we get in touch today. This is my last day at work until I go on an extended vacation. I leave for Puerta Vallarta Sunday. PV is where I met my ex.
We'll see what kind of memories I make this year in PV! I'll be sure to share them with you. I'll try to keep it "R" rated or better (as in not "x").
Last year when my Father died I did not pay much attention to the date. All I remember was it was after Thanksgiving -- that year my niece had it at her house and my sister (her mother) was in Florida with her husband -- and before Christmas. Turns out it was this day, December 8th, 2002 my father died. The day after Pearl Harbor Day. My sister came home after she got the news, and has been here ever since.
I just really hope my dad is doing well wherever he is. He can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. I hope he isn't pissing off God or anything. If he's in some sort of 'training' or 'school' I hope he's learning and passing and moving on. And if there's a Hell, I hope he is not there. And I hope they let him have more than one glass of wine before dinner. He'd like that very much. Cheers, Dad.
I had an event-filled weekend! Friday I went to see a concert put on by these two gorgeous guys -- Jason and Demarco -- two gay Christian singers. They are in love with each other and with God, and go around the country singing! That is so THIS century! Check out their website http://jasonanddemarco.com/ and see what I mean about GORGEOUS! They are better looking in person!
Saturday I went to the Kodak Theatre to see Oliver! the musical. It was good, but not as entertaining for me as was The Full Monty that I saw at the Kodak a while back. It was cute and curious to see a lot of young boys at the show who all were about the same age, all dressed up, and looking like they could step onto the stage and be Oliver Twist.
Sunday we spent the day with my Mom celebrating her birthday. We began in the late morning at her house and helped her pick out a Christmas tree. We set it up and decorated it. I put on the lights and then sat down with my brother-in-law and my nieces' boyfriend to watch the "girls" trim the tree. We were criticized for not helping. We all looked at each other with a grin, cuz we knew if we were helping, we get criticized too. So we agreed, since we'd get criticized no matter what, we may as well do it sitting comfortably! Next we went to have coffee and cake. Then off to a Christmas concert put on by the church I went to as a Junior High School student. We sang carols with the choir. Then back home to open presents and have a glass of wine. Then finally off to a fabulous Italian restaurant that was PACKED and we had a lovely dinner and more wine.
And now, I got to get back to work. Busy day, busy week, then Puerto Vallarta on Sunday!!!!!!
My three little deer greeted me yesterday as I was leaving my office. We both just stared at each other for a few minutes and then I got into my car and drove home.
I'm feeling a bit funky. Lot's of change and transition in the air. And then again it's December. December has traditionally been a time when I get funky. Years past, I've gotten downright depressed. But this year it's a mild funkiness. It could be partly because it was nearly a year ago (December 6) that my dad died. And I've had two dreams about him very recently. In both dreams I was surprised to see him because "you're supposed to be dead!" In the one dream, his death had been an elaborate con on me and my family. My dad had faked his death for whatever reason and was now doing it all over again to some other family (hmmm, is he reincarnating?) The second dream he called me, and was trying to reach out to me.
The morning my dad died he tried calling me, but he was disoriented and called my office and left a message (it was very early in the morning). I still have that message. He was trying to reach me, I think, so I could call back at the house so my Mom would wake up and she could help him, because he could not get up. He died in his chair a short time after that call. About the same time he died, I had a dream about my dad..... he was having problems urinating and was choking. That is how I believe he actually died. Weird stuff. I'm the last person my dad tried to reach before he died, and he visits me in a dream when he does.
Well! Feeling all warm and fuzzy from that little side track? I had no idea I'd write that. Maybe I needed to. After writing this down, and recollecting the dreams, dad dying last year, and my present mood, it all makes perfect sense.
I was greeted by three deer crossing my path this morning as I neared my place of work. Very odd and very out of place. A lovely thing to see before going back to work after the long weekend.
I must say I had one of the most enjoyable Thanksgivings with my family. I brought my new boyfriend, and everyone seemed to like each other. By the end of the evening, we were all sufficiently buzzed, and we began singing along with Christmas carols playing on the stereo. And making interesting "healing" sounds on the several crystals that my sister has at her place. Different tones and frequencies. I was having a blast making them "sing."
Two more weeks of work before leaving for Puerta Vallarta. I'm visiting the tanning salon so that this year I don't look like a very white boy from Nebraska who just rolled into town. This time I will arrive tanned and look like I've already been there a while. I'm sure my new BF is hoping I will invite him but I think I need this time for myself. I'm still not even sure where things are going with him. And you know what? What does it matter? I just want to enjoy him when we're together, and not worry about it. So there.
Wow, three weeks off coming up. That sounds soooooo good right now.
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
