Sunday, September 21, 2003 :
What?! Two posts in one day from the Gay Blogger Guy (aka, I'm Gay So What?). Well it's partly because I've turned over another new leaf. If you've guessed what I'm about to say, then I've become far too predictable, and I just, well, don't want to be predictable.
I met with my personal trainer yesterday, and we weighed in. Although I was a couple pounds less than the last time (at which my trainer quickly pointed out that my weight means nothing as long as I like what I see in the mirror). Oh, and we measured my body fat. That got worse. My lean body mass went 5 lbs in the wrong direction. My fat mass went 3 pounds in the wrong direction. My % body fat went 2% points in the wrong direction. Okay, so this got my attention. I told myself, and my trainer that I would stop drinking (again) if my measurements started heading south. And they are. And I will. He told me exactly what he wants me to do. No alchohol for 7 days. Then drink only twice a week after that for the next several months. I said I would do it. He looked a little surprised, but yes, I am going to try very hard to not drink for the next 7 days. Why the Hell I can't do this by myself, and I need some 21 year old straight cutie to tell me to do this is beyond me. But I've always been a good student and employee. Tell me what to do and I'll do it better than anyone else (yeah I was a straight-A student and am always getting promotions and raises -- because I follow orders really well). So there ya go. Yes, that is why you have not heard me mention the drinking thing for a long time because I've been back at drinking daily since I stopped talking about it! And I'm mentioning it here because I figure it might help with the motivation. If I tell (although anonymous) some people I'm not going to drink, at least there's that little extra psychological pressure for me when the temptations come.
And so today is my first day of no drinking. And it is now well into coctail hour. And that is why I'm blogging. I did this before, and by God I'm going to do it again. Wish me luck. Or if you're the praying type, send one up for me.
And I promise, more Earthquake stories to come. The next story you won't believe. If you do believe it, your life will be changed. It did mine. Stay tuned.
I probably should not admit this, because I'm sure that the Theatre Police search the internet looking for people who pay to see a movie and then decide to take in a "double feature" without paying. Well I did that today. Okay so arrest me already.
I woke up early today and went to the gym. I was back almost in time to go to this gay-friendly church I've been threatening myself to go to for a few months now, but by the time I got showered and ready, I realized I'd arrive about half way through the service, so I didn't go. Instead, I went to the Grove to take in a movie. Freaky Friday was starting at 11:55 and I wanted to go. And I am so glad I did! I had no idea the movie would be so good! It was well-acted, and sooooo fucking good. The acting was amazing, especially when you consider how difficult the parts must have been to play in a believable way. Then for my double feature I watched "Second Hand Lions." Oh, my, god. My heart fell onto the floor of the theater so many times during the movie I thought they'd have to send me to the hospital. I'm sure the people on either side of me thought they'd have to give mouth-to-mouth as I kept swallowing my sobs. This is one of those movies I am definitely going to rent (probably own) when it comes out on video, so I can watch it and really let it all out. The acting in this show is some of the best I've ever seen. There has to be several Academy Award nominations from this movie. If there isn't, then something is very wrong with my movie-dar. I don't know if movies are just getting better, or if my emotions are just more alive and I'm able to get into these movies like I haven't before. Is it me or is it the movies? I'm thinking the movies. The two movies I saw today, and Seabisket a few weeks back, have me believing in the fairy god mother again. Makes me really want to be a part of the whole show biz thing.
Speaking of which, I've now had two of my acting classes. 38 weeks to go, then a show. I expect you all to come.
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 :
I'm going through some "stuff" and so I am sorry but I have not been posting much. But today, while reading through my hand-written, very personal journal, I ran into this. Here, is a direct quote from my personal journal written 6/30/02. It is facinating, but requires you to be quite focused and almost in another reality to grasp it.
"What we see is not what is happening now, but rather what happened in the past. If I could exist simultaneously on two planets and peer through a telescope at the two locations where I was, I would not see myself. Obviously this is true because the light I see is 'old' light and has a limit to its speed. Only God then can know what is happening everywhere in the same NOW. Or if we could somehow use our minds to 'see' the universe we may be able to see the NOW somewhere else too. Therefore 'what we see' is not an accurate measure of what IS, but what WAS. To know what IS, we must use our psyches, minds, or some other form of knowing. Imagining that I am in more than one place simultaneously was very difficult. But we must all learn how to do it. It is part of our next step in our evolution. Towards Unity, universal unity with God.
"Doing anything, any work other than working toward the same goals that God has -- that is the evolution of man and God -- would be vanity and therefore empty and unsatisfying. But if I choose to help God's cause for reasons it is 'satisfactory' then isn't that vanity? No, I think it's just smart. Knowing God's purpose and working against that is futility, stupidity.
"Giant mirrors in outer space would allow us to see into our past. Was there an Atlantis in the Atlantic 10,000 years ago? If not mirrors, then can't we see our own light reflected off of some stellar objects?
"For space travel and communications with other civilizations to be practicle, it would have to be simultaneous. In other words, conventional communication or travel through space/time would not suffice. The only way to communicate with someone a billion light years away in real time would be through thought and using God as the medium. Only God is everywhere at the same time. This may be one of the purposes of the Grand Portal."
Mind you that when I read this I thought I was reading someone else's work. But it is original. I've also been reading some incredible dreams I had that I wrote in my journal, of which today I have absolutely no recollection of. Maybe I'll share some of those in future posts.
This past long weekend, it finally dawned on me that I could take advantage of my gym membership in West Hollywood to actually get some social action. Forget the bars. I can hang out at the pool at what is probably the largest predominantly gay-attended gym in America! And so on Monday after my workout and shower and a meal, I grabbed my book, water and a food bar and headed to the pool. The pool area is pretty large -- plenty of room for sun bathers and swimmers. So I grabbed myself a spot in the shade (the sun is just so nasty on my delicate skin) and started reading. Two people commented on the book I was reading. One said he was about to begin his, the other said she had read it and it was fabulous. And it really is. But that's another story.
There's this hot guy that I've seen several times in the gym. He usually works out alone and one day he was doing bar bench press and looked like he needed someone to spot him, so I told him to let me know if he wanted a spot (a spot is when you stand over the person while they are lifting the weight in case they need assistance with the weights - a safety precaution). He did and I helped him. That was about it. Then Labor Day, while hanging out at the pool, the hottie comes out in his Speedo and grabs a lounge near me. We smile and make eye contact several times. Finally we start talking and introduce ourselves to each other. When I asked him how old he was, he made me guess. I hate it when people do that -- why don't you just answer the question? Anyway I guessed 25. "Higher." Then I guessed 28. "Higher." And so it went all the way up to 42. The guy has a body to die for, a full head of beautiful hair (no gray) and truly looks like he's in his 20's. "Ahh, youthful looking, but has maturity" I said.
Long story short, we went out and had dinner at a restaurant called Mark's on La Cienaga Blvd (hot waiters, hot men, good food, nice ambiance) and we had a great time! We've talked on the phone every day since our date. He works a lot and only has one day off a week, and we talked about getting together again on his day off.
I'm trying to take it slowly and not get all obsessed with the boy. I'll keep ya posted! I'm just so glad to have made a new friend.
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
