I'm Gay, so what?



Friday, August 29, 2003 :
 
The time was 4:30 A.M. Monday morning when the Earthquake began. I don't remember getting out of bed, but somehow I rolled to the floor and got under the archway from my bedroom to the hall to my bathroom for protection. Later, I was to forever believe that Angels moved me because had I not gotten out of bed I would have probably died. There was a huge mirror and bed unit about my head that fell where I was sleeping. The mirror was a quarter inch thick and broke in the arched shape of a guillotine about where my head was. The same angel must have placed the laundry basket near my foot that broke the fall of a huge armoire that would have crushed my foot.

I was naked. It was so dark I could not see my hand in front of my face. A lamp fell from somewhere and hit my head. Blood from a cut above my eyebrow fell down my face. On my knees, the shaking was so severe I got rug burns. Something came crushing down from somewhere and dealt a serious blow to my small toe. All I could think of was "when the shaking stops and I'm alive, I need to find the gas lines and shut them off. People will need help and first aid and I need to be available to assist. I thought of the Malibu Canyon getting buried under mountain rubble and never being used again. Sounds were so loud I was certain the unit above me had fallen into my apartment.

I did not know that my unit was the worst damaged unit.

I heard a voice from outside my bedroom door "Are you okay?" I was disoriented and it took me several seconds to figure out who was calling to me. It was my roommate. "Yes, I think so -- I can't see and I need to find my clothes and shoes." Not to mention a flashlight and my glasses. It took me 15 minutes or more to dig myself out of the room.

The power was out. Every wall was cracked. The front windows were broken. The porcelain on the toilet in my roommates bathroom had broken and was now flooding the apartment. The floor had sunk a half a foot and the water was all running to the outside wall. The wall (sideboard) in my roommates room had fallen into the room. Every door in the house that was closed -- the metal door jams were all snapped off violently. The front door to my apartment would not stay closed. The attached garage door had fallen off its hinges and was laying on top of my car. The refrigerator had slid out about 4 feet. Everything in the shelves in my kitchen was dumped and broken on the floor. Furniture, T.V.'s, lamps, everything fallen; broken.

I was sure it was the Big One. If it was this bad here, I thought, how bad might it be elsewhere? What if the epicenter was a hundred miles away?

I was in shock. In all the carnage, all the mess and destruction, I thought to pick up the phone. There was a dial tone. How could this be possible???? This did not make sense. So I dialed and called my Mom. She answered. She was in a panic, but she seemed okay. No serious damage there. I tried to explain my situation and she could not believe it, but she had her own stuff to worry about. She was closer to the epicenter than I was.

As it turns out, my unit which was a condo I bought new just two years earlier, had not been built to code. The ground was not compacted properly, and the outside walls of my building did not have sheer walls (the boards inside the walls to protect the building from falling over in an earthquake). I was lucky to be alive.

My place was instantly Red-tagged. I could not stay there that night (or as it turned out, ever again). I boarded up all the windows and door as best I could to protect what was left from vandals, and I stayed with friends in Malibu. In the months and years to follow, I would slowly come out of the shock of it all. I slept in my clothes for weeks after that and ran out of the house everytime there was an aftershock. I got money from the Federal Government (FEMA) and lived on that for a while. I got my own place on the beach. Kitty and I moved 12 times in the 9 years that followed.

The day was January 17, 1994. The Northridge Earthquake.

Lawsuits ensued. The place sat red-tagged and unrepaired for years. Finally the banks foreclosed on me and I lost my home.

And that's just ONE of my experiences with Earthquakes. I have two more earthquake stories that are just as interesting. I'll tell them to you one day.


::: posted at 3:49 PM


 
Well I finally did it. I got up the courage to go over to T.'s house up the street. I went with a note in hand in case he wasn't there. Turns out there's a gate and I can't get in anyway, so I taped the note to the gate. I hope he gets it. We'll see if he calls.

::: posted at 1:52 PM


 
My cat taught me a lesson in Feline Instincts last night. Felines seem to have no choice but to fight when they hear the sound of another cat attacking or being attacked. You've heard the sound. Usually late at night, and suddenly a very loud scream that is obviously a cat and a very upset and disturbed one at that. There is no way to describe it in words. You have to hear it. And hear it we did. At 2 a.m. last night. It woke both me and Kitty up and Kitty got very upset. He started pacing the apartment, going to all the windows trying to find out what the commotion was about. Suddenly, without warning, and while half asleep, my cat jumps up on my bed and attacked me! He bit my arm. Startled, I yelled at him and threw him off the bed. He stopped attacking me (realizing hmmm this is futile -- that MAN ain't no CAT). Pretty soon we were all calm, and thankfully no skin was broken.

Thinking back over the years Kitty and I have been together (he's 14 and I've had him since he was 3 months old), this has happened a few times. I'll be making my own sort of Cat sound -- crying and sobbing (lost a lover, watching a great chick-flick or something) with some high pitches thrown in there (now there's a lovely picture) and the cat will attack me. I thought it was because I simply deserved it, or I was bothering his slumber, but NOOOO, it was this Feline Instinct thing! The sound triggers some sort of automatic response in the cat!

Great story eh? I'm sure you'll want to tell all your friends about it.

::: posted at 1:49 PM



Thursday, August 28, 2003 :
 

I haven't been feeling particularly creative lately, but here's an update:
 
  • The weight is still down and hovering around 178 lbs.  Average work out is 3x week. I worked out today and plan to work out over the next 4, so I should be getting ahead on the routine.
  • Took a day this week to spend a day in Laguna Beach while I had the car detailed at the dealer.  Not much to report there....
  • I begin my Improv class a week from Monday.
  • Work is getting busy.
  • I have potential jury duty next week, yippee.
  • Been so busy, have not gone knocking on T.'s door. I really hope to run into him or go on that date soon. I hope he hasn't met someone by now....
Sorry not much more exciting than that. I promise when I get creative, I'll pass it along.


::: posted at 5:03 PM



Tuesday, August 26, 2003 :
 
"Why is now the most precious thing? Firstly, because it is the ONLY thing. It's all there is. The eternal present is the space within which your whole life unfolds, the one factor that remains constant. Life is now. There was never a time when your life was NOT now, nor will there ever be. Secondly the Now is the only point that can take you beyond the limited confines of the mind. It is your only point of access into the timeless and formless realm of Being." - Eckhart Tolle

"Now is where time touches eternity." - C. S. Lewis


::: posted at 8:46 PM



Tuesday, August 19, 2003 :
 
My audition went very well, I think.  The coach/teacher came to me highly recommended. She is listed on many actors' resumes. She has a no-nonsense practical approach to teaching and coaching, a sort of "Anti-Method" approach.  So I went to her because I figured she's the best, or one of the best, and if I can act, she'll hopefully be honest with me about it. 
 
So I go into my interview with her last night. I tell her my story about how I've never acted, never auditioned (this after she asked me for my headshot and resume and I said I did not have one, at which she looked a bit perturbed) and that I thought we were all born with gifts, with a need to create. To be Creative.  I was exploring acting as a way to be creative, and wanted to see if this was my gift.  So after more discussion she instructed me to begin the scene. I explained it to her, and began. She read with me.  I did it confidently, and without any mistakes. I sat down.
 
Teacher:  "You said you've never acted or done an audition before, right?"
Me: "Correct."
Teacher: "and were you coached on this scene?"
Me: "No"
Teacher:  "Well, you just flawlessly delivered a scene to me with no prior experience or coaching, I am impressed."
 
Teacher:  and now let me give you the "why you should not be an actor" speech.  You're too old, you're gay, you're not drop-dead gorgeous, and you have no experience. It is a lot of hard work, and very difficult for anyone who works full-time. All of these things are working against you."
 
As she spoke, I was not the least bit perturbed.  All I could think of was that I just did a scene "flawlessly" and she liked me. And she said I could join her classes. And she was dutifully warning me about the challenges I would face. I listened, smiled, nodded my head. 
 
Teacher:  "What you need to do is find your muse."  And she proceeded to advise me on my next steps on how to do that.  She gave me the title of a book to read, an improv workshop where I can develop my skills, but while having fun doing it, a screenwriters workshop, and a workshop on drawing from the right side of your brain.  These I will all do promptly.
 
I got all I wanted from this experience.  An honest appraisal of my abilities. Advice from someone I respect as to what my next steps should be. 
 
 


::: posted at 10:20 AM



Monday, August 18, 2003 :
 
Although I don't go out very much, it seems that when I do, something interesting always happens. I guess I should get out more often? Last night I went out to a popular WEHO bar called Here. Here is next door to the popular bar the Abbey. There are so many cute gorgious guys there (or should I say Here). Apparently it is the place of choice for many a star and many a Reality Show participant. WEHO Mark, my neighber blogger, has spotted all kinds of people there. Well last night it was my turn. I was standing and watching the crowd when right before me was Carson Kressley, the blonde fashion guy on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy! I said something incredibly brilliant to him. I said "Are you who I think you are?" Now mind you, I was not dressed to kill. I was wearing a wife-beater black tank top and some gawd-awful shorts and some sandals and I'm sure it was all he could do to not laugh at my appearance. But he was very polite. He said "Yes I am." I told him how much I enjoyed the show and he thanked me for watching. He saw someone he knew and excused himself with "I'll be back." Hmmm, did he really mean he'd be back, or was that just a polite way of saying goodbye? I think it was a polite way of saying goodbye.

Meeting Carson reminded me of past star sightings. This one will age me, but one time a girlfriend of mine (years ago) had tickets to the Country Music Awards and passes to the backstage celebration party. It was the year that Kenny Rogers won just about every award that was available (Entertainer of the Year, Male Vocalist of the Year, Album of the Year, Single of the Year, etc.). Anyway, we were walking around at the backstage party, all these stars and musicians and press..... My girlfriend knew just about who everybody was. I did not. I could bump into a star on the street and not know who they were. As we were cruising around she was saying "That's so and so" and "Look, there's bla bla bla." She said she heard people talking about me.... Apparently people thought I was "somebody" and she told me it would be fun for me to walk a few paces ahead of her while she listened to what people said about me. Here's what happened. I stopped for a moment with wine glass in hand and suddenly I was enveloped in a bright light. Lights from a camera. I turned to see Kenny Rogers standing right behind me and the cameras were all on him and they were congratulating him on all his awards etc..... and then the lights went out about as fast as they had come on. And there I was standing face to face with the man of the hour. I introduced myself. I happen to have the same name as someone who is in show biz, and who was married (at the time) to a very famous actress who has a very famous (now) daughter actress. Anyway, I was not pretending to be him, but Kenny was very polite and apparently recogizing the name, said "Oh hi, it's great to see you again!" and we proceeded to have about a 10 minute conversation about his big night and how wonderful it was and bla bla and ain't life great, and let's stay humble, etc. Meanwhile my girlfriend is going CRAZY and trying to get me to introduce her to Kenny Rogers, and the whole thing was quite fun and memorable. I just did not have the heart to tell Kenny that I was not who he thought I was and that he did not really know me.

Another interesting moment in my history was the time I was still in college and was out at an all-nighter with friends studying in a 24 hour diner near campus. It was about midnight. I was with a couple friends and one very hot, blonde, attractive lady. She was a head-turner. We were the only people in there and in comes McLean Stevenson of MASH fame and who was currently hosting The Tonight Show for Johnny Carson (if you remember all this, you are OLD). Anyway, McLean was attracted to the pretty lady in our group and one thing led to another, and before you know it here's the scene at midnight in this 24 hour diner:

A mock wedding is staged. McLean Stevenson is the groom. Pretty Lady is the bride. The cook (yes the cook) is the Minister doing the service. I (yes I) am the BEST MAN! So we do this wedding, I'm the best man, and McLean invites us to go to the taping of the next Tonight Show as his guests!!!!! We of course said yes. We all went down the next day for the show and had front row seats. And during his monologue he referred to the "wedding" he had and we all screamed. Anyway, sounds stupid, but hey, for a college kid, this was great stuff!

I could go on. Many star sightings and discussions with stars over the years. I lived in Malibu for many years and would run into them all the time in the markets. Because of my name and my famous "wife" I even had fan mail from all over the country and people calling me asking for my famous wife. I've had to keep an unlisted number all these years for that very reason. I ran into my (then famous, still famous) "wife" one day pushing around her little girl (which would have been my child if I were the other me) and introduced myself. She paused, probably thinking I was some freak, and once she understood she laughed. We talked for quite a while and I told her about all the calls I get because of her, and that I had fan mail, and that was that.

Speaking of stars, my audition is tonight. My first ever. To get into some acting classes. Wish me luck.



::: posted at 1:50 PM



Friday, August 15, 2003 :
 
This compliments of Blueway.com
 
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...

  • Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd.
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • Your potted plants stay alive.
  • 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  • You watch the Weather Channel.
  • You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.  
  • You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  • You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.


::: posted at 12:41 PM



Thursday, August 14, 2003 :
 
If you read my blogs, you know I usually write my own stuff and don't quote much.  But today I want to share someone else's work with you.  If you choose to read this and then follow its advice, my only advice to you is to choose your goals wisely, because.....

IT WORKS!

 The man who wrote this book is highly successful and widely known for his generosity and helpful spirit. He gives full credit for all that he has accomplished in mastering circumstances, accumulating wealth and winning friends to the silent working out of the simple, powerful truth which he tells of in his work. He shows you here an easy, open road to a larger, happier life. Knowing that the greatest good comes from helping others without expecting praise, the author of this work has requested that his name be omitted.

What is the Real Secret of Obtaining Desirable Possessions?

Are some people born under a lucky star or other charm which enables them to have all that which seems so desirable, and if not, what is the cause of the difference in conditions under which men live?

Many years ago, feeling that there must be a logical answer to this question, I decided to find out, if possible, what it was. I found the answer to my own satisfaction, and for years, have given the information to others who have used it successfully.

From a scientific, psychological or theological viewpoint, some of the following statements may be interpreted as incorrect, but nevertheless, the plan has brought the results desired to those who have followed the simple instructions, and it is my sincere belief that I am now presenting it in a way which will bring happiness and possessions to many more.

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride," is the attitude taken by the average man and woman in regard to possessions. They are not aware of a power so near that it is over-looked; so simple in operation that it is difficult to conceive; and so sure in results that it is not made use of consciously, or recognized as the cause of failure or success.


"Gee, I wish that were mine," is the outburst of Jimmy, the office boy, as a new red roadster goes by; and Florence, the telephone operator, expresses the same thought regarding a ring in the jeweler's window; while poor old Jones, the bookkeeper, during the Sunday stroll, replies to his wife, "Yes, dear, it would be nice to have a home like that, but it is out of the question. We will have to continue to rent." Landem, the salesman, protests that he does all the work, gets the short end of the money and will some day quit his job and find a real one, and President Bondum, in his private sanctorum, voices a bitter tirade against the annual attack of hay-fever.

At home it is much the same. Last evening, father declared that daughter Mabel was headed straight for disaster, and today, mother's allowance problem and other trying affairs fade into insignificance as she exclaims, "This is the last straw. Robert's schoolteacher wants to see me this afternoon. His reports are terrible, I know, but I'm late for Bridge now. She'll have to wait until tomorrow." So goes the endless stream of expressions like these from millions of people in all classes who give no thought to what they really want, and who are getting all they are entitled to or expect.

If you are one of these millions of thoughtless talkers or wishers and would like a decided change from your present condition, you can have it; but first of all you must know what you want and this is no easy task. When you can train your objective mind (the mind you use every day) to decide definitely upon the things or conditions you desire, you will have taken your first big step in accomplishing or securing what you know you want.

To get what you want is no more mysterious or uncertain than the radio waves all around you. Tune in correctly and you get a perfect result, but to do this, it is, of course, necessary to know something of your equipment and have a plan of operation.

You have within you a mighty power, anxious and willing to serve you, a power capable of giving you that which you earnestly desire. This power is described by Thomson Jay Hudson, Ph.D., LL.D., author of "The Law of Psychic Phenomena," as your subjective mind. Other learned writers use different names and terms, but all agree that it is omnipotent. Therefore, I call this Power "Emmanuel" (God in us).


Regardless of the name of this Great Power, or the conscious admission of a God, the Power is capable and willing to carry to a complete and perfect conclusion every earnest desire of your objective mind, but you must be really in earnest about what you want.

Occasional wishing or half-hearted wanting does not form a perfect connection or communication with your omnipotent power. You must be in earnest, sincerely and truthfully desiring certain conditions or things--mental, physical or spiritual.

Your objective mind and will are so vacillating that you usually only WISH for things and the wonderful, capable power within you does not function.

Most wishes are simply vocal expressions. Jimmy, the office boy, gave no thought of possessing the red roadster. Landem, the salesman, was not thinking of any other job or even thinking at all. President Bondum knew he had hay fever and was expecting it. Father's business was quite likely successful, and mother no doubt brought home first prize from the Bridge party that day, but they had no fixed idea of what they really wanted their children to accomplish and were actually helping to bring about the unhappy conditions which existed.

If you are in earnest about changing your present condition, here is a concise, definite, restulful plan, with rules, explanations and suggestions.

The Plan

Write down on paper in order of their importance the things and conditions you really want. Do not be afraid of wanting too much. Go the limit in writing down your wants. Change the list daily, adding to or taking from it, until you have it about right. Do not be discouraged on account of changes, as this is natural. There will always be changes and additions with accomplishments and increasing desires.

 

Three Positive Rules

Of Accomplishment

1. Read the list of what you want three times each day: morning, noon and night.

2. Think of what you want as often as possible.

3. Do not talk to any one about your plan except to the Great Power within you which will unfold to your Objective Mind the method of accomplishment.

 


It is obvious that you cannot acquire faith at the start. Some of your desires, from all practical reasoning, may seem positively unattainable, but, nevertheless, write them down on your list in their proper place of importance to you.

There is no need to analyze how this Power within you is going to accomplish your desires. Such a procedure is as unnecessary as trying to figure out why a grain of corn placed in fertile soil shoots up a green stalk, blossoms and produces an ear of corn containing hundreds of grains, each capable of doing what the one grain did. If you will follow this definite plan and carry out the three simple rules, the method of accomplishment will unfold quite as mysteriously as the ear of corn appears on the stalk, and in most cases much sooner than you expect.

When new desires, deserving position at or about the top of your list, come to you, then you may rest assured you are progressing correctly.

Removing from your list items which at first you thought you wanted, is another sure indication of progress.

It is natural to be skeptical and have doubts, distrust and questionings, but when these thoughts arise, get out your list. Read it over; or if you have it memorized, talk to your inner self about your desires until the doubts that interfere with your progress are gone. Remember, nothing can prevent your having that which you earnestly desire. Others have these things. Why not you?

The Omnipotent Power within you does not enter into any controversial argument. It is waiting and willing to serve when you are ready, but your objective mind is so susceptible to suggestion that it is almost impossible to make any satisfactory progress when surrounded by skeptics. Therefore, choose your friends carefully and associate with people who now have some of the things you really want, but do not discuss your method of accomplishment with them.

Put down on your list of wants such material things as money, home, automobile, or whatever it may be, but do not stop there. Be more definite. If you want an automobile, decide what kind, style, price, color, and all the other details, including when you want it. If you want a home, plan the structure, grounds and furnishings.


Decide on location and cost. If you want money, write down the amount. If you want to break a record in your business, put it down. It may be a sales record. If so, write out the total, the date required, then the number of items you must sell to make it, also list your prospects and put after each name the sum expected. This may seem very foolish at first, but you can never realize your desires if you do not know positively and in detail what you want and when you want it. If you cannot decide this, you are not in earnest. You must be definite, and when you are, results will be surprising and almost unbelievable.

A natural and ancient enemy will no doubt appear when you get your first taste of accomplishment. This enemy is Discredit, in form of such thoughts as: "It can't be possible; it just happened to be. What a remarkable coincidence!"

When such thoughts occur give thanks and assert credit to your Omnipotent Power for the accomplishment. By doing this, you gain assurance and more accomplishment, and in time, prove to yourself that there is a law, which actually works--at all times--when you are in tune with it.

Sincere and earnest thanks cannot be given without gratitude and it is impossible to be thankful and grateful without being happy. Therefore, when you are thanking your greatest and best friend, your Omnipotent Power, for the gifts received, do so with all your soul, and let it be reflected in your face. The Power and what it does is beyond understanding. Do not try to understand it, but accept the accomplishment with thankfulness, happiness, and strengthened faith.

Caution

It is possible to want and obtain that which will make you miserable; that which will wreck the happiness of others; that which will cause sickness and death; that which will rob you of eternal life. You can have what you want, but you must take all that goes with it: so in planning your wants, plan that which you are sure will give to you and your fellow man the greatest good here on earth; thus paving the way to that future hope beyond the pale of human understanding.


This method of securing what you want applies to everything you are capable of desiring and the scope being so great, it is suggested that your first list consist of only those things with which you are quite familiar, such as an amount of money or accomplishment, or the possession of material things. Such desires as these are more easily and quickly obtained than the discontinuance of fixed habits, the welfare of others, and the healing of mental or bodily ills.

In Conclusion

Accomplish the lesser things first. Then take the next step, and when that is accomplished, you will seek the higher and really important objectives in life, but long before you reach this stage of your progress, many worthwhile desires will find their place on your list. One will be to help others as you have been helped. Great is the reward to those who help and give without thought of self, as it is impossible to be unselfish without gain.

A short while ago, Dr. Emil Coué came to this country and showed thousands of people how to help themselves. Thousands of others spoofed at the idea, refused his assistance and are today where they were before his visit.

So with the statements and plan presented to you now. You can reject or accept. You can remain as you are or have anything you want. The choice is yours, but God grant that you may find in this short volume the inspiration to choose aright, follow the plan and thereby obtain, as so many others have, all things, whatever they may be, that you desire.

Read the entire book over again, and again, AND THEN AGAIN.

Memorize the three simple rules.

Test them now on what you want most this minute.

This book could have extended easily over 350 pages, but it has been deliberately shortened to make it as easy as possible for you to read, understand and use. Will you try it? Thousands of bettered lives will testify to the fact that It Works.


How Others Are Attaining Personal Independence

Salesman Quadruples Pay

A Salesman, F.P.D., of Houston, Texas, writes: "Working your plan has done this for me. My pay check in February was 173.03, in March, 1273.84, in April 1480.86, and I'll double this in time."

Sold More Insurance

"I left 'It Works' with an agent, and he promised to follow the rules, with the result that he wrote sixteen applications for insurance in one week." --C.O.A., Minneapolis, Minn.

Performed Miracles

"The Little Red Book certainly has performed miracles for me. It is so clear and so easily understood that a child can grasp it. A million good wishes to you."--M.L.H., Oakland, Calif.

Twenty Persons Read this Copy

"Your little book, 'It Works,' has been read by no less than twenty people. I often read it aloud to members of my staff or visitors who call. Even my doctor is favorable to it."--Chas S., Los Angeles, Calif.

A Copy for Each Employee

"Just a line of appreciation for the many good things that I have had from your little book "It Works.' I have ordered one for every employee." --R.G.L., Peoria, Ill.

His Pastor Quotes from It

"It works for me and for others to whom I send it. The pastor of my church often quotes 'It Works' in his sermons. He, too, is sold on it."--E.A.O., Louisville, Ky.

Read What Others Say About The Famous Little Red Book "IT WORKS"

"I have just read 'It Works'.  You have made a very interesting presentation ... very stimulating... I congratulate you."--Walter Dill Scott, President, Northwestern University.

"I quite agree with you, it does work. God has made us masters of our destiny if we will but widen our understanding."--James L. Houghteling, Chicago.


"It would be a great thing if some philanthropist would, in one grand action, present a copy of 'It Works' to every man and woman able to appreciate its simple and inspiring philosophy."--Tim Thrift, Advertising Executive.

"The law has worked for me. Some wonderful things have come."--Evan Johnson, Publ. Office Appliances.

"I have been thoroughly helped. This one book would well be any man's rule of life."--O. Eacksteder, Jr.

"I owe the man who wrote 'It Works' a debt I can never repay."--May L. Harlow.

"I always recommend 'It Works" and place a copy in the hands of those seeking greater understanding."--Caroline Wellborn, Dew, N.Y.

A Letter to You From the Author

Dear Reader:

The great possessions of life are all GIFTS mysteriously bestowed: sight, hearing, aspiration, love or life itself.

The same is true of ideas--the richest of them are given to us, as for instance, the powerful idea which this book has given you. What are you going to do with it? Are you surprised when I tell you the most profitable thing you can do is to give it away?

You can do this in an easy and practical way by having this book sent to those you know who NEED IT. In this way, you can help in the distribution of this worthwhile effort to make the lives of others better and happier.

You know people who are standing still or who are worried and discouraged. This is your chance to HELP THEM HELP THEMSELVES. If you withhold this book from them you will lose the conscious satisfaction that comes from doing good. If you see that they get this book, then you put yourself in line with the Law of Life which says, "You get by giving," and you may rightly expect prosperity and achievement.

At the very least you will have the inner sense of having done a good deed with no hope of being openly thanked and your reward will come secretly in added power and larger life.

 

THE AUTHOR


::: posted at 3:35 PM



Wednesday, August 13, 2003 :
 
Last week I had time to think about whether I would keep writing this "I'm Gay So What" Blog since I'd been busted by my friend S., and I even went so far as creating a new blog which I'll share with you when I think it has something noteworthy.  I've decided, thanks mostly to my millions of fans and followers (thanks for the mail by the way), to keep writing. Okay, I exaggerate, thousands of fans. Alright, dozens.  Okay, thanks S. and J. for your kind notes and encouragement.
 
Here's a quickie update:
 
  • I've not yet met T. (hot Italian stud neighbor guy I met) for the long anticipated date, but I really definitely plan to go knocking on his door if I don't run into him again real soon
  • I'm meeting the buyer of my old car this Saturday, and he darn well better have the cashier's check in hand when he shows up, or I'm gonna be really unhappy.
  • I'm driving and LOVING the Mercedes SL230 convertible. I look so damn sexy in the car.  Or the car looks so damn sexy on me. Or something like that.
  • I'm practicing for an audition which I'm doing Monday afternoon with an acting coach/teacher and plan to attend acting classes once a week in the evenings.
  • I called the Writer/Director guy I met a few weeks ago. I picked up a stranded motorist and it "just happened" that he was a director working on a major film. I checked him out on the internet and he's legit. I called today (a week late) and left him my contact info and told him about the acting classes I'm starting (hey, you never know!)
  • My weight is holding down to about 178 lbs. (vs. over 190 two years ago). I just had a nice little afternoon workout at my company gym.  Worked triceps and back/lats today.
  • My cat has diarrhea.
  • My apartment needs cleaning.
  • I got laid last weekend.
Bye for now!


::: posted at 4:40 PM



Tuesday, August 12, 2003 :
 
Where have all the Heroes gone?
 
The movie Seabisket really hit it home for me.  America was in one of its darkest moments in its relatively short history -- the Great Depression.  Millions of Americans unemployed (25%) and homeless. Depressed, hopeless, in despair.  Then along comes this horse Seabisket. As I watched this movie, I realized that this horse was a symbol of hope for Americans in that era.  A horse that was written off by society, with no chance of winning any races, a has-been, wanna be.  Beaten down, angry, untrainable. Depressed, hopeless, in despair.  And then along comes a trainer who cares and loves the horse back into being "a horse" again.  Anyway, my words don't do this movie justice. My point is, America has not had any heroes for so long.  Is it because we don't need one, or is it because there isn't anyone worthy to be one?  I'm not sure. It could be both. Maybe we, as a people, have learned to become more independent and self-reliant, and we are our own heroes.  Our personal strength, dignity and determination carry us forward.  But is there a chance of a hero rising up in today's society?  I don't think so, not since Nixon.  The media seems to think it is their job to knock anyone and everything off their pedestal, no matter who they are. And who is perfect anyway? Even the "heroes" of our past were not perfect, but they weren't attacked and exposed by the media either (before Watergate anyway).  They were allowed to be who they were, and that was good enough.  What made heroes heroes, was that they knew what they had to do, they did it, and that turned out to be what we needed.
 
The movie really moved me.  It also made me think of my own situation. I personally believe that we all are born with special gifts.  Gifts that need to be discovered, nurtured, developed and used for the good of mankind.  What is a gift for but to use it for good?  Anyway, I feel like I have certain gifts, but I have not nurtured or developed them.  I'm not sure, but it is a sense, a feeling I have deep inside.  Something is calling me.  A small voice that says "do this," "turn here," "try this."  A Kind, Loving, Benevolent Something that smiles every time I learn or discover something new.  And that's why I am trying acting.  I have no idea if I will be any good at it. But that Voice.... It's teasing me enough so that I'm thinking "just maybe." Maybe I have a gift? Maybe.  "Try it and find out" the voice says.  And so I am. With fear and trepidation. And hope and excitement.  I feel so alive, so full of emotions.  Hey, if the mere thought of acting wakes me up that much, it's worth it for that alone.
 
Anyway, wish me luck. Monday I'm auditioning for a highly respected acting teacher/coach with the intent to join her ongoing classes.  I will take her advice as to which class I need to begin in.  It will be the first time I have ever done this.  And I'm petrified.  And alive.


::: posted at 10:30 AM


 
Last night I awoke having been sleeping on the couch. As I often do, I had fallen asleep watching T.V. It was 3:00 a.m.
 
3:00 a.m. is an interesting time.  Everyone who is going to bed, has done so.  People who get up really early have not yet.  The only people that are probably up at that hour are people who either can not sleep, or are working some sort of gawd-awful JOB.
 
Anyway, as I gathered myself together to go to my real bed, I noticed the moon was bright and was casting significant shadows into my living and dining rooms.  I looked out and saw a most beautiful Full Moon.  And a very bright, red planet Mars nearby.  I could see no other stars nearby, but Mars stood out incredibly bright.  Over the next few weeks, apparently Mars will get even brighter?  This is something that will not happen again in something like 60,000 years.  Not wanting to wait that long to see it again, tonight I'm getting out my telescope to see what I can make out on the red planet.  I suggest you check it out too.


::: posted at 9:57 AM



Friday, August 01, 2003 :
 
Alrighty then.  We all knew my balloon was flying so high and mighty it had to come down eventually.  Today it did.  I mean it's not all that bad, but I've been careless with this blog page and my anonymity is no longer sacred.  It's been compromised.  And for me to be totally honest and open and "me" I need to be anonymous.  You see once people know who I am, eventually it gets back to people I work with, and ultimately my bosses, and I will be in trouble.  Not only for using company equipment for writing a personal blog, but for being gay.
 
My friends "S. and R." (notice I no longer call them by their full names) and I went out last night and I got careless.  I blabbed about my blog, and they found it.  Not that I've said anything horrible about them, but I did not write it with the intent they would ever see it.  S. searched this morning and found the blog and then told R. about it.  My first feeling was one of total and utter embarrassment.  All my inner murmurings, bitching, boasting, all there for my two (practically only) friends in the world to see. 
 
Another slip was for me to post my picture several months ago.  One of my neighbors reads my blogs and saw me at the gym the other day.  He was very sweet and emailed me and "confirmed" for me that my blogs about my body and workouts were true.  He complimented me on my looks. (Thanks by the way). But what that experience made me realize is that anyone and everyone could/can read this and see my pic and figure out who I am, and whammo, I'm in trouble at work. (I've removed the picture, so don't bother huntin).
 
Sooooooooooo.  Reading more on my relative Benjamin Franklin, he apparently was "the most popular" American author/writer in his time, and he got his start writing almost the same as many of us bloggers do, only without the Internet obviously. He wrote under a pseudo name "Silence Dogood" under which his character was a female. S(HE) wrote articles for his brother's (my greeeeaaaaaaatttttt grand father apparently) newspaper the Boston Courant.  Anyway, I'm thinking I need to hide my identity a little better, but somehow keep up the writing, which I enjoy.  It is a fun creative outlet for me. 
 
I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point, but if I fade away, I'll be taking up a new identity under a different URL.  I'll contact those of you who have been so kind to link me to your web pages, and if you desire to link me again under my new identity, then great, if not I'll understand.
 
I'll let you know what I ultimately decide to do about this. 


::: posted at 2:03 PM


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Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.



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