It's unbelievable. It's thick in the air. The phone just rang. I just made an agreement with the Father of the Son who wants to buy my car. He'll give me a deposit tonight and have a cashier's check for me early next week.
Moments after that call, the Controler of my company came by to pay me a visit. Good news all around. Can't be too specific, but it was unusually good stuff.
And did I mention my boss gave me a raise twice the merrit poool last week? Yeah, I got a percentage raise twice as much as the average.
If I was reading my blog, I would not believe all this stuff is happening to one person. But it is, and I'm enjoying it while it lasts. May my good stuff transmit over the internet and into your life as well.
This is my Kitty. I call him Kitty, but if I had to name him it would be Gideon. Someday I'll explain why Gideon. Kitty is 14 years old. We've lived and moved together at least 10 times over the years. He is like a dog, he comes when I call him, sleeps with me, needs lots of affection.
This young man was purchased in Provincetown when I went vacationing there several years ago. He's wearing his gay pride necklace and watching TV. He's in the "FAME" section of my Feng Shui condo. Hmmmm.
And finally for today. This was taken last night from my living room/balcony at sunset. Not the best sunset picture, but how appropriate I have a rather phallic looking palm tree to look at? The pyramid-looking thing is the top of the Pacific Design Center in West Hollywood. On a REALLY REALLY clear day I can see Catalina Island offshore.
A Strange thing happeded to me on the way to work. Rember T., Gorgeous Guy #1? Well it would seem our destiny lies (lays?) with the Gods. You've read the scenarios, how we met, how I let him go the first time we met, how we ran into each other the following weekend "by chance" and he told me he wanted to go out with me, but as it went we did not hook up. Neither of us has each other's phone number, but I knew we'd get together. And we still haven't mind you. So what? So, on my way to work this morning, I took a slightly different route, so my car would have maximum exposure to commuters who may be interested in buying.... and I saw this Gorgeous man running, topless, down Santa Monica Blvd (near the section that paralells Beverly Hills). He was lean, smoothe, tanned. Gorgeous. Upon further scrutiny, I determined it was T. I hit the speed button on the passenger window and yelled "Hey T.! It's <insert my name>!" and waved. He made a gesture with both hands as if to present his body "whaddya think?" his gesture said. Ahhh, he wanted me to let him know if I approved of his runners body. Insecure like me. How adorable. I gave him a huge Thumbs UP and a smile, as I got caught away in the traffic and left him running in the rear view mirror. I smiled thinking about it for the next several miles. I thought to myself I need to make sure I don't blow this. Get to know him. Treat him with respect. Jump his bones Go to bed with him only if/when it seems appropriate.
Okay you will not believe this. On my way home from getting the car smogged (which is only a few blocks away) I stopped at a light and two guys on the street were gesturing to me. I rolled down the window and they were stranded and needed a ride a few blocks away. They seemed nice enough so I let them in. The one guy jokes "ok, get the gun and let's hold him up". I laughed because I knew they were kidding. They introduced themselves. I introduce myself. The guy in the front seat with me is a movie director. Yes you heard it. I laughed and told him about my desire to take up acting, and that I was very new, did not even have my head shots yet. He said 'you'd be surprised what you need and don't need to make it in this business" or something along those lines. He gives me his card and tells me to call him in a few days. I checked him out on the internet, and yes, he is in fact a true, movie director with plenty of credits. He says he's working on something really big, and to give him a call.
Synchronicity at it's best.
"Hello, this is the Universe, God, have you heard me yet? I want you to take up acting."
I'm sending this post via handheld so if the font is small, sorry.
I'm sitting in Hugos restaurant in WEHO on SM BLVD across the street from where I'm having my car smogged. I'm so bored I needed something to do so you're my entertainment for now.
>From only yesterday and this morning I've had 4 people interested in my car for sale. The guy smogging my car is even interested. "for his wife" he says. Another guy was interested "for his niece.". and tonight a guy's son is checking out the car. I predict he'll want it. Dad is ready to write a check if his son wants it. I had the car washed and now I'm smogging it in anticipation of the sale. It looks really nice since I had it detailed a few weeks back.
I'm so excited about getting the Benz. I talked to my niece today and she's ready "at a moments notice" to release the car to me.
Ihave to say I really really enjoyed watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and Boy Meets Boy last night on Bravo. Bravo to Bravo for braving the staunchy American culture and airing these fun, refreshing shows. I was laughing so damn hard I was crying. On Queer Eye I especially love it when they are showing the credits and they show all five guys walking in slow motion together. It makes me think of the old "Mod Squad" or a queer "Charlie's Angels." Doesn't it? I know from experience, that if I liked this show that much, then lot's of others will too. Trust me these shows will get lots of good and bad press in the American press. Controversial, but about damn time. GOD I love it. I went to bed last night with a fucking smile on my face. About damn time.
One day last week while shopping at Trader Joe's after work, I stood in line behind this gorgious gorgious guy. He was very lean, toned and tan. He had on a very sexy button down shirt that was sort of see-through. I could tell his body was very smoothe. This Trader Joe's, mind you, is within walking distance of my house and in the heart of West Hollywood. So it has its' fair share of gay people. Lot's of queers like me like to shop there because it's convenient and has lots of great stuff. Cheap, healthy stuff. While standing in line, I noticed yet another very gorgious guy in the line next to us. I got the feeling that the two gorgious guys were cruising each other. Part of me was hoping they were both cruising ME, but I don't think that was the case. Anyway, I checked out and proceeded to walk home and Gorgious Guy #1 was talking to a guy in the parking lot (in his convertible) and I passed him by. He smiled at me. As I proceeded home, he began to follow me. I slowed. By the time I got to my condo a couple blocks away, he had caught up and he started a conversation. We talked a bit, there was sexual tension and attraction, and being unpracticed as I was, I did not know what to do. Finally we shook hands (and held on for what seemed like an eternity) and said goodbye. He lives just up the street from me. Anyway, I figured I'd never see him again and then this weekend I ran into him in the Revolver. His name is T. and he's Italian. Although he's lean, he wanted me to know, not ALL of him is lean. In my half-drunken state I wasn't quite sure what he was referring to, but later realized he was bragging about his anatomy. He's big, so he tells me. He was with someone (not dating him he said) but wanted to see me the next day for dinner or a drink. Gorgious guy #1 wants to go on a date with me! We did not hook up (neither of us has the other's phone number) but I believe we will. I know where he lives. He expressed interest. I'm not gonna let this one get by! (He has a job!!!)
I live in West Hollywood and say "I'm not into the West Hollywood scene." There's been a few reasons why I don't go out to the bars. One is that I don't want to get into the habit of throwing money away on alcohol (expensive and not to mention unhealthy). Another is I felt like I'm getting "too old" and did not want to face the rejection from all the beautiful gay boys. All that to say, last weekend I ventured out to the bars on my own. I believe this is the first time I've gone out to the bars alone (without my friends) since I moved here. I was feeling good about my newly created body, and wore a well-fitting white tank top. I met a guy who was very cute and wanted to go home with me. I had a bad feeling about him and I decided not to. He's been calling me all week but I did not return his calls. I went out again on my own this weekend and that's when I ran into T. the Gorgious guy #1.
Then, Sunday night S. and R. called right when I was finishing up my laundry, a glass of wine, and preparing dinner. They were in West Hollywood and they wanted me to join them. I did. We drank margaritas and wandered over to Mickey's and drank more margaritas (are we noticing a theme here?). While there I saw the guy who wanted to go home with me the weekend before (his name was Gustavo, another theme). I said hi to him, but he ignored me. I also saw Tatoo Man who I had sex with a few months back which turned out to be a one-nighter. He saw me and lit up and came over to say hi. Later, while dancing with S. and R. (text deleted).
"So what" you say?
You need to understand that just four months ago, none of this would have happened. I would not have been cruised by a Gorgious Anyone. I would not have taken off my shirt in a gay bar and had people go crazy. I would not have good looking guys wanting to go home and have sex with me. Or so my confidence level then would not have even allowed it. Even my trainer likes to show me off to the other trainers, his new clients and his boss. My own worst critic, I have a hard time believing it's true -- that I am attractive and desirable. I hardly understand how it's even possible. But the evidence is such that I have to believe it's true. Am I possibly one of the Beautiful People?
I don't know. I look at pictures of me and I do not find me attractive in the least. I am so confused. I think I'm writing all this thinking somehow I will convince myself I'm really not over the hill after all. Writing it doesn't necessarily make it so.
Most people that decide they want to be actors (or "make it in Hollywood", as they say), do so at a fairly young age, get training, get a dream and move to Hollywood. Most, I presume never make it. Some, young and full of confidence, move to California with their dream and nothing else -- no job, no money, no training. Many of them end up in the streets prostituting themselves.
Then there's me. I have what most actors starting out would give their right arm for.... I have a job that pays the bills, with enough flexibility to take time off when I need to for auditions, and whatever. I live in Hollywood. My next door neighbor and lady I bought my condo from is a working actress. My personal trainer is an actor just getting started -- he has an agent and is getting his head shots done. I have a friend who teaches drama at a prestigious university in Southern California and she is willing to help me. Ernesto, a guy I met a few months back and had a little frolicky fun with is an actor starting out. All these chance things/meetings happening to me as if the Universe is saying "HEY!! I want you to try ACTING." I say "huh?" "ACTING" You should try acting! All the excuses I would normally come up with aren't there. I can afford the acting classes from some of the best coaches in the world. I can afford the expensive head shots from some of the best head shot photographers in the business. I can drive right down the street to auditions, and to the Oscars :)
Friday I was ready to run off and spend a fortune on photographs and was ready to get myself an agent. As the Universe would have it, and my luck, the latest issue of BackStage West (the trade publication for actors) had a special issue on "Welcome to L.A." It had all kinds of tips and advice for the actor just arriving from Kansas with all his dreams and hopes of stardom in show business. Of course I ate it up and read it from cover to cover. After reading that, and doing some more thinking, I have come to these conclusions:
Before spending any money on head shots I'm going to attend acting workshops with some of the best in the business. If I have a talent they'll tell me. If I don't , they'll tell me. Presuming I have a talent, then we need to decide what type of roles I should play, and what my "look" should be. And if I have a talent, the instructors will probably want to refer me to an agent -- they'll get a kickback for referring someone if they turn out to be hot material. Okay, so now I have an agent. We agree on my roles and look, and they refer me to a photographer.
Anyway, that's how it's supposed to work. So my first step is to take a class. If I survive the stage fright, and don't run away with fear, then we'll see if I have any raw talent. I'll keep you posted.
Friday, July 25, 2003 :
I just got finished reading through Signalshift's blog about the family party he attended at his father's house. Very funny, and familiar, reading. Signalshift is a young gay student with excellent writing skills.
I actually went as far as contacting a photographer yesterday. He is supposedly one of the best in the biz. He better be for the price. Anyway, I think I"m gonna give it a try. I can't get anywhere in Hollywood (even experiment) without a good headshot. I'll give a stab at my resume today. The resume will be a challenge, but I'm up for it. I have zip, zero, nada, no experience in acting. No training, no theatre, film, commercials. Anyone wanna lay bets on my chances for success? They aren't very good. So that means if you bet against me, and lose, you pay me BIG TIME. It's like that time I went (the only time I went) to the horse races with a friend and we bet on an exacta race (where you bet on which two horses will win in which order) for $10. We won. I won $1,000. During the excitement of the race, jumping up and down I said "I'll give you half my winnings if we win this race!" We did. I did. I learned. I digress. My resume will be a challenge, but I can be pretty persuasive with words, and I'm good at selling myself. I've done it all my life with pretty good success (no I'm not a prostitute, I'm talking about the business world here!)
Whoa, I'm totally rambling. Focus. Focus. Okay. Yesterday I contacted a photographer, one of the best in the biz. I'm getting my pics taken. Putting a resume together. I also contacted a guy who trains actors in this "Acting is Believing" approach, which makes a lot of sense. He's giving a seminar in my home town, but I can't make it so I may do private lessons with him (hey it's only money, right?).
I have to pinch myself. Am I really doing this? This is so like me to take on a crazy project and go for it. I've always needed some creative outlet other than my "JOB" to keep me going. And when I pursue something on the side I always go all out. One time I set up a business called "Video Express" out of my condo when I was living in Calabasas and got a lighted sign that I put on top of my car that had "Video Express" and my phone number and I delivered new realease videos to people in my neighborhood. I got a business license, the videos (which are damn expensive when they first come out!) and even rented my inventory out to friends at work during the day for a discount. Anyway, that flopped. I couldn't compete with the neighborhood video stores. My prices were the same and had the convenience of delivery (there was a drop off box centrally located in town) but people like to go into the store and browse the covers. This was before the internet made it convenient to browse too.
And so now my creative outlet is acting? It sounds so crazy, but it feels right. For some reason I think the time is right for me to do this. I am passionate about this. I can envision it. I see myself getting an agent. I see myself trying out for a commercial or other supporting part in a movie or something, and getting it. Me along with millions of other actors who think the same thing, right? Right. "Oh but I'm different!" Yeah right. But really! Yeah uh, huh. Okay I'll prove it. I'll go out and get work and I'll show you!!! Ok, great, uh huh.
Ok, I'm already acting eccentric like an actor, so maybe there's hope for me? I'm having monologues in my head, so that's a good sign right?
So my projects for today and the weekend are: read the latest issue of "Back Stage West," Sell my car (I'm taking over the lease on my niece's Mercedes), read more on Benjamin Franklin (my grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaatttttttt Uncle), contact the photographer by telephone, contact the acting coach by telephone, hit the gym, clean the house (in that order).
Thursday, July 24, 2003 :
If you follow my posts, be sure not to miss the one I wrote earlier about my first experience in the world of acting below....
I'm a relative of Benjamin Franklin. I usually lie a little and tell peole he was my great ancestor, but in reality he is my great-great-something- Uncle. But his father, Josiah, is definitely my ancestor. I'm reading this book I just picked up called "Benjamin Franklin, An American Life" by Walter Isaacson. I've only read part of the couple chapters. But wow! It is really well written and I got a gulp in my throat when he started talking about my ancestors, even before Josiah. I was reading my own history! Imagine reading this about your forefathers:
"The earliest documented use of that name by one of Benjamin Franklin's ancestors, at least that can be found today, was by his great-great-grandfather Thomas Francklyne or Franklin, born around 1540 in the Northamptonshire village of Ecton. His independent spirit became part of the family lore. 'This obscure family of ours was early in the Reformation,' Franklin later wrote, and 'were sometimes in danger of trouble on account of their zeal against popery.'
"The strong yet pragmatic independence of Thomas Franklin, along with his clever ingenuity, seems to have been passed down through four generations. The family produced dissenters and non-conformists who were willing to defy authority, although not to the point of becoming zealots. They were clever craftsmen and inventive blacksmiths with a love of learning. Avid readers and writers, they had deep convictions -- but knew how to wear them lightly. Sociable by nature, the Franklins tended to become trusted counselors to their neighbors, and they were proud to be part of the middling class of independent shopkeepers and tradesmen and freeholders."
When I read this, it blew me away. It's kind of like reading an Astrological forecast that sounds so right on, that it makes a believer out of you. This describes me and my family perfectly. Could it be that personality traits are passed on generation after generation? My father was a mechanical engineer, his a lawyer. His mother (maiden name was Franklin and a direct descendant) was a stateswoman in her own right, a school teacher and leader in her community until she died at the age of 99.
The book goes on to say "It may be merely a biographer's conceit to think that a person's character can be illuminated by rummaging among his family roots and pointing out the recurring traits that culminate tidily in the personality at hand. Nevertheless......" which is an amusing way to end this self-serving entry.
Last night I attended a seminar on "How to Get Into the (Hollywood, acting) Industry" presented at the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre International in Hollywood, presented by Terri Novitsky.
Although I'm a newby in the acting world of Hollywood (oh so very very new) I did not just fall off the turnip truck and had my guard up, and was not expecting too much for a couple hours and $12.00 at a church of Scientology. I presumed the "seminar" would be some hook for something else that may or may not be legitimate or in my best interests. When I arrived at the church I was impressed with all the activity going on and the obvious age of the building compound. I was escorted by a nice gentleman in a suit to a back room where others were waiting for the seminar to begin. It was warm inside and those in attendance were sitting nervously, fanning themselves, and waiting for the seminar to start. Meanwhile people were flipping through the booklets we all got written by L. Ron Hubbard. I decided to put mine down and center myself. I took some deep breaths, tried to cool down my body temperature, and waited.
Terri came in about 5 minutes late, but full of sincere energy and enthusiasm. I could tell she was a little nervous herself. She made nice eye contact with me and the others and she did a fine job breaking the ice. I tried to hide my skepticism about it all.
We all introduced ourselves around the room and she put our names on the white board. There were about 12 of us, all shapes/sizes/ages. Several black people, a young female student, an actress with a heavy Russian accent, and me. I said my name and that I was an actor. That felt weird. I'd never said it before. I'm an actor. It felt sort of like it did when I went to an AA meeting years ago and said "Hi I'm xxxx and I'm an alchoholic." But better. I'm an actor. The more I thought about it, yes, I'm a fucking actor!
I learned a thing here and there, we did some excercises where we said a line and she told us what emotion to express. My first acting lesson. I went in front of the class and found myself getting into it. Expressing emotion at will. It was easy. I totally blocked out the audience who were all looking at me, and dug deep inside for the emotion, got into it, and expressed it. They loved it. This acting thing could be like therapy, reaching inside to get in touch with your emotions and expressing them!
So here's the read-between-the-lines things I learned from my first exposure to the Hollywood scene.
1) Everyone's out for themselves. Even Terri, God Bless her. She has great things to offer, but the seminar was a hook to get us to buy another seminar for $35.00 which is probably good, but I declined. The Scientology people tried pressuring me into signing up now and not "procrastinating". I saw it for what it was and decided if I wanted to do the seminar, I'd do it later after I've done more exploring.
2) I need to get some headshots with a photographer. An 8x11 black and white head shot done well with my name at the bottom and a resume on the back is the Hollywood calling card. Hand em out whereever you go, she says. Mail out a bunch every week so you get at least 2 calls for auditions a week. I agree with the headshot need, but I'm not sure yet on the mailings. I need to do more research. Personal contacts seem more appropriate, using my charm of course, and showing up at casting calls. I'm reserving judgment until I know more.
3) I need an agent and I don't need an agent. Terri first said we don't need an agent if we're just getting started. Agents only do 10% of the work for you anyway, and you'll be doing most of the work. Then near the end of the evening she was saying "you definitely need an agent to get started."
4) Terri told me I had a "great look" and that I should get an agent and get started in commercials to get some experience. She expressed confidence that I would do well.
5) I need a little training before I go to my first audition so I know what they mean when they throw out terms like "profile" (which I think means turn to the side so we can see you from different angles) and other words I don't even know about yet. I have a couple ideas of who I can talk to about that.
6) Being an actor is a serious business. Actors don't just get "lucky breaks." You need to be smart about how you market yourself, keep a positive attitude, and be stratetic about what work you choose. This was not taught at the seminar, but this I know from being around long enough on the Earth to know that's just how it works! And I think I have what it takes. I just need to be certain this is what I want to do, because if I start to get work, I have this day job that I can't just let go. And so things could get stressful. So I really need to think this through, which is what I'm doing now. I'm learning, and will try to get some small gigs, like a commercial, to see how it goes.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 :
I've decided to take over the lease on my niece's Mercedes! I'm trying to sell my Honda CRV. I'll take the cash from that to pay off some debt, and with my raise and a few other adjustments to my finances I'll be able to handle the payments fine. I am excited about having the car!
Last night, as I was settled in for the evening and getting ready to watch that queer makeover the straight guy show, S. and R. called. They had an extra ticket to see Rosanne Cash at the House of Blues, LA. It's around the corner from my place so we walked there. It was fun, then afterwards, juiced up from a few beers, I decided to go down to the Blvd. and have another. I dropped into Rage and Mickey's. It was the 18 and over night, which did not appeal to me. Went home and that was it.
Last Saturday I met a guy who wanted to go home with me very badly. He was quite strikingly handsome. But some alarms were going off in my head (am I finally learning something here?) and I did not go home with him. But the whole thing was very flattering. I was wearing a tank top, and feeling pretty good about my body, and was getting plenty of attention. In fact I've been getting plenty of attention everywhere I go. I feel like I have a new life. Suddenly it seems men, women, are noticing me and flirting, etc. It's fun. As my trainer pointed out "I've paid the price" and it's paying off. I've worked several long hard months to get my body in shape. I've lost the pounds, fat, gained muscle tone. I lost a few inches in the waist, and even my posture is better!
Tonight I'm going to a seminar near my house for actors who are "trying to get into the business." I'm going to check out the acting scene in Hollywood. Don't worry, I'm not going quit my day job, but I'm in a perfect situation to pursue the idea. I have a steady job with decent pay which has enough vacation and flexibility that I can take time off when I need to for auditions, etc. I live in the heart of where it all happens.... steps away from photographers, seminars, acting classes, and the work. Film, commercials, etc. It's all here in Hollyweird. It seems like a fun idea to me. Where it all goes I have no idea. But for now, I'm excited and tonight I go to my first seminar. Maybe I'll be famous one day and you can say "I knew him when...."
One more thing. If I ever do make it in Hollywood, I'm not going to stay in the closet like a lot of actors do. No way. I'm gonna get real political about that too. So many "leading men" pretend they are straight because their agents tell them that to play leading roles the public wants them to be straight. That is such bull shit. That's why it's called "acting". You can be gay in real life and "act" like a straight person on film or on stage, for God's Sake@!!!!! Straight guys play gay roles all the time.... why not the other way around? I can picture the interview now on Access Hollywood. "Any love interests in your life?" and my answer will be honest and open. I'll talk about my boyfriend, if I have one, or I'll say someting like "no, but I'm single and looking for a great guy" or something like that.......
Monday, July 14, 2003 :
I ended up driving down Wilshire Blvd. into Downtown Los Angeles (in the borrowed Mercedes Benz SLK 230 hard-top convertible). While driving two young guys in a rental car pulled up and smiled and asked me where "Beverly Hills Blvd." was. As far as I know there is no such thing. I told them how to find Beverly Blvd. As I drove to the next light I realized what was going on. They were cruising me! At the next stop I turned to look at them and they were both looking at me, and I smiled. They both got embarrassed and when the light turned green I stepped on it and took off like a rocket ship. There was another muscle car that pulled up next to me with a guy and his girlfriend. We were both purring along the Blvd. trying to keep our speed down, both tempted to open it up. I followed them into downtown and when I made a turn the girl stuck her arm out the window and waved goodbye. Now I understand why people like sports cars..... it's a club of sorts. I really enjoyed cruising around in that thing this weekend. I need to decide now if I'm really going to get the thing! I drove it to work today and am giving it back to my niece tonight.
Sunday I went to see the LA Gay Men's Chorus sing Elton John songs in Glendale. I went with S. and R. and R's friend Joe. Joe had a friend Dan with him. The show was very enjoyable. We all had dinner and drinks after then I went back to West Hollywood and decided I wanted to go out to the bars. I started at someplace different so I could drive and park, to the Gold Coast. Generally an older crowd, but real nice people. I got lots of attention, one guy was (obviously drunk) all over me and trying to kiss me. I was polite and flattered, but turned him down. Chatted a bit with some others who told me next Sunday I must come because its the annual RED party. Everyone wears red (mostly dresses). Hmmmmm. Could be fun.
Then I was off back closer to home and went to the Mother Lode. I ran into Mario (Robert's ex) who I just happened to pick up and drop off to his work the day before in the Mercedes. We were going to go out Sat. night but I fell asleep. So it turns out we run into each other Sunday night instead and we hung out. It was fun! I had my share of flirtations and hits, which helped my ego immensely. My workouts have paid off, and I'm getting a fair amount of attention. I turned down another guy who was all over me and again, trying to kiss me (among other things). I wasn't quite ready to go home with a stranger, and it was after all a school night so I went home about midnight and hit the sack.
Today I'm going to take a late lunch and take a drive down the Coast for a drive in the convertible. I'm going to see if S. wants to go with me.
Friday, July 11, 2003 :
The work week is winding down and the weekend is upon me. I'm working at home today, which is nice. Already today I slept in til 8:30 and got some much needed sleep; I worked out at my WEHO 24 hr fitness gym; and oh, yes I WORKED.
Tonight I'm meeting my niece and her boyfriend for dinner and we're swapping cars. Im test driving their leased Mercedes Benz SLK 230 hard-top convertible for the weekend. I'm thinking of getting one for myself or I might even take over their lease. I'm getting itchy (or bitchy if you prefer) to have a sports car. I live in So. California for God's Sake! I need a sports car and a convertible so I can smell the smog and see the beautiful people and the surroundings. Ok, I really don't NEED a sportscar, but I sure as Hell want one. I'm still debating about how I'm gonna afford one. My commute DEMANDS it. I drive through Beverly Hills, through Brentwood (where by the way I got a damn speeding ticket this week) and into Malibu. Some of the most expensive, pretentious, real estate in the world. Thing is, I've always hated people in their rich cars. And now I'm getting one. But not for the status. Really! I want this particular car because it is the "cheapest" hard-top convertible on the market. I don't want a rag top because of the noise, so this is the car I'm looking at. It just happens to be a Mercedes.
I'm trying to decide where I'm going to go for my "test drive." I've been thinking I want to see downtown LA for sure. Downtown has made quite a turnaround in recent years -- with the renewed library, renovated buildings, new housing and apartments, etc. Our downtown has been one of those downtowns no one ever wants to go to if you don't have to. But it's becoming quite the attraction. And driving with the top down, one can see all the beautiful buildings.
Wednesday, July 02, 2003 :
Living and working where I do, I sometimes forget how good it is here compared to so many other places. The weather is just not in the news. Which means its very pleasant here. I've not used my air conditioner since I moved into my new home, although I admit yesterday was quite warm and last night a bit uncomfortable (I sleep every night with the back sliding door open). So all this to say, here's a weather report from West Hollywood and the beaches. Sunny, pleasant and warmer than usual! Expecting record temperatures inland, and very warm (80's) along the coast.
I missed my workout the past two days, and so I decided today to pack up my gym clothes and work out at work! So at lunch I'm getting into my gym clothes and walking to our gym. My schedule is light today and I'm looking forward to it.
I don't normally like to quote news articles, but I'm lazy today and thought this article from the Chronicle for Higher Education was interesting enough to share:
Wednesday, July 2, 2003
Study Suggests a Link Between Excessive Internet Use and Personal Problems
By SCOTT CARLSON
A study of college students' Internet use indicates that spending too much time on the Internet results from other problems in life, like depression.
The conclusions of the paper -- titled "Unregulated Internet Usage: Addiction, Habit, or Deficient Self-Regulation?" -- was based on a study of college students' online habits and mind-sets. The authors found that students who used the Internet excessively had the feeling that they couldn't stop, and that feelings of depression correlated to the inability to control Web-surfing habits.
The paper is published in the current issue of the journal Media Psychology.
Matthew S. Eastin, an assistant professor of communication at Ohio State University at Columbus who is a co-author of the paper, says that people may turn initially to the Internet because they are depressed. "There is a history of literature that talks about the idea that we use media to regulate moods.
So we may use media to cure loneliness, and computer communication may be used to extend social groups."
But depressed people may be unable to regulate their time on the Internet, which could lead to isolation and a loss of time through aimless Web surfing, Mr. Eastin asserts. "Choosing to stay online for an hour after work instead of going home --
that is an inability to self-monitor that is causing life consequences," he says.
Robert LaRose, a professor of telecommunication at Michigan State University, and Cynthia A. Lin, a professor of communication at Cleveland State University, were also co-authors of the paper.
The authors included 465 students in their study. The students, from two unidentified Midwestern colleges, were given surveys in class and asked to rate their computer use on a scale. The students typically used the Internet for about an hour and a half each day.
The authors use the term "addiction" only out of convention, acknowledging that he notion of a true addiction to the Internet is controversial. Unlike addition to drugs, dependence on the Internet shows no measurable physiological effects.
To get around the notion of addiction, "from social theory, we took this concept of ficient self-regulation, which does not make a person an addict or a nonaddict," Mr. Eastin says. "If you were truly an addict, you would need some sort of treatment."
"This is one of the better, more thoughtful studies I've seen," says Malcolm R. arks, associate professor of communication at the University of Washington at Seattle. "This is the first study that actually tries to understand the mechanisms that ight lead to compulsive or addictive behavior" in Internet use.
What was interesting about the study, he said, was that the research about mpulsive Internet use was tied to research about compulsive use of more-conventional media. In fact, the conclusions of the paper could be applied to impulsive television viewing or reading trashy novels. "All the concerns that we raised about old media when they were new are here with the new media," he says. "They did a thoughtful job of linking past research to current issues."
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Copyright 2003 by The Chronicle of Higher Education
Tuesday, July 01, 2003 :
Well, I had a sensitive day yesterday. Thanks to my blogger friend for pointing out to me that I'm probably imagining all the negativity, and that I really have nothing to be worried about.
Part of the explanation for my weirdness (more than usual anyway) is that I've been up to some very very bad, compulsive and addictive behaviour. I bought a new PS 2 game over the weekend. Okay, Okay, in my senility that has ensued as a result of what I'm about to explain, I've simply forgotten the name of the game. I'll get it later. But here's what happened. I dutifully went to the gym in the (Saturday) morning, and came home and ate. I ran to the store to buy the video, saw some great art that I almost bought (there's a spot above the couch that needs a big something), and came home. I started playing in mid-afternoon. I played all night. By 8:30 a.m., my hands all curled up from using the game control all night, I decided to go to the gym for my Sunday workout. This may be behaviour some of you have engaged in before (stay up all night), but this is something I have never, ever done. I can not believe I did this! So I did my workout, then came back and ate. Then I played the game some more until 9:30 p.m. Sunday night (no coffee, no artificial stimulants, nothing) and went to bed. Got up and went to work the next day (yesterday). Now here's where it gets really bad -- bordering on "I have a problem." I stayed up last night until 3:30 a.m. playing the game. On a school night! Jeez Bill. I'm accepting donations for therapy.
Thanks again to my Aussie Friend. (Hey, how cool is this? I finally figured out how to do a link!)
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
