Tuesday, April 29, 2003 :
I hate it when I get these chain letters that are indiscriminately sent to a thousand people on someone's mailing list. I have this one friend who never writes to say 'hi' but sends me about 4 chain letters a day. Well I got one today that I actually liked. I've seen it before, but it still choked me up. Here's the text:
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books.
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."
I had quite the weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends the next day), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives."
He looked at me and say "hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would never have hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!"
He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found him self during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech, so I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
"Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach, ... but mostly your friends.
"I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
"I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
"My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and Dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize its depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."
There is no beginning or end... Yesterday is history.
Well turns out I did get sick, and they came over and had fun anyway. I recovered pretty quickly, and I'm back in full swing! I postponed my personal training session with Josh until last Thursday. I actually took the whole week off as vacation to give my shoulders a rest which were hurting because of repetitive motion with my computer at work (oh now this is all very exciting). ANYWAY, I have made some resolutions. I've decided for the next 10 weeks I have only three missions/goals in life.
1) To go to work and give it my best,
2) To stick to my work out plan as given me by Josh and keep all my appointments with him, and
3) To stick to my nuturition program as given me by Josh.
Anything else between eating, working out and working is time to do whatever -- as long as it does not interfere with the other three missions. This may sound silly, but this is what I know I need to do in order to stick with the work out program. My goals for the workouts is to lose 10 lbs of fat, and gain 10 in lean muscle mass. 3 days a week with weights, 4 days a week aerobic. I have a very specific workout prescribed by Josh, and I'm really excited. This is hard for me. But I'm determined. I got up this morning at 5 a.m. and went to the gym, was at work by 8:30. Same thing again on Thursday.
I am doing this for myself. I want to look in a mirror and think "I'd F*&k him". If I'm happy with how I look and feel, I'll be a much more enjoyable person to be with and around. I hate to think I'm buying into the gym-bunny or West Hollywood "everyone is a 10 looking for an 11" thing, but I'm not really. It is sad though that anyone who is "out of shape" or aging, or both, is most often ignored, or worse "not seen" in the gay community. If you are not absolutely gorgious, with a six pack and white teeth, etc., you may as well not exist. I realize there are gay guys out there that aren't so shallow, but where are they? I don't know any of them! I'm one of them, but where are the other guys? How do I meet them? So my way of getting back at this whole sad situation is to get into the shape of my life, so that I turn heads and attract lot's of guys, so I can have the choice. Maybe I can attract that guy who ends up being my future partner. Hmmm. I don't know if I have even convinced myself with all this. Ok, I am just as shallow as the rest! I've given into the "rule" that you have to be gorgious to be noticed. But seriously, I think the real reason I'm doing this is the following:
1) I've lost the discipline that used to be a trademark of my life. I've gotten lazy, get up late every morning. It used to be I'd get up an hour early just to meditate! When I was in Jr. High and High School I'd get up before 6 a.m. to do my paper route! and now a days, it's all I can do to get up by 7 and I'm at work late. So this is partly about getting discipline (and self-respect) back in my life.
2) I've always been a fairly attractive guy and most of my life have had little difficulty attracting those who I found attractive. Nowadays that has changed, and I want that back! I feel I'm only a few inches and lbs. away from getting back there again.
3) Spirituality has always been very imortant to me. I feel by bringing discipline and early-rising back into my life, I'll make the time in those early hours to meditate (pray or journal). And by making my body as fit as possible, it's kind of like taking care of the temple of my soul. It's all I have while here on this Earth, and I owe myself to take excellent care of it!
Friday, April 18, 2003 :
My Finnish friend Mika and his BF David are coming to my place tonight and staying the weekend. I'd normally be excited about this, but at the moment, I feel as though I'm coming down with something. I've got congestion in my chest and I feel like shit. Which pisses me off, because I've been looking forward all week to my training session with Josh, which is at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow.
Any hooo, I wanted to say hi, while I'm sitting in a very boring meeting at work right now....
Sunday, April 13, 2003 :
I saw my personal trainer at 24 hour fitness this weekend. His name is Josh, and he's amazing. He loves what he does, considers it his responsibility to "give back to the community" in the form of helping other people realize their personal fitness goals. He has me totally convinced that I can have the body I want within 8 weeks. I believe and trust him (who wouldn't trust those cute puppy eyes and that cute body of his?) It was my first appointment, so I turned in my nutrition form and we did an interview. He measured my body fat, took my measurements, etc. We did a brief workout, got some more inspiration, and made a plan to do part 2 next weekend. Then every week for the next 7 weeks. I am so excited!
R. came by this weekend to borrow my computer. He hates his job and is sending resumes out. He stayed all day then his BF S. came by and we all had dinner together. I cooked on the Barbie. While R. was working the computer, S. offered to help me with switching the door on my refrigerator! It needed it. It was hard to get into and now it isn't. Saved me the hassle of trying it myself or paying someone. The fun part was, he asked me to go knocking on doors in my building to find someone who had a socket wrench system. So I went a-knocking on the door of this cute guy I'd seen and said "Hi, do you have a socket wrench?" He said " a what?" and I proceeded to try and explain to the boy what I was looking for. "oh well, this is my boyfriends place and I'm sure he has something..... so we looked around together and YES, we found it! His name is Bobby. He's 31, very thin, and cute. He is fairly effeminite -- does makeup for a living. After returning the sockets, and chatting for a while, we parted with a lovely HUG. Ahhhhhh.
I did my aerobic workout today at the gym. I saw my trainer JOSH, and he was happy to see me even though he told me not to work out for a week.... I told him I was doing an aerobic workout and not to worry! He laughed and let me by.
Tuesday, April 08, 2003 :
Okay, the drum roll please. I'm finally linking (not posting because it's too damn big and I don't want to figure how to make it smaller right now!) my first picture! The link below, for those of you who have followed my web log, is Derrek (the boy I never heard from again that I met in Puerta Vallarta and fell crazy for), and R. (my friend S.'s current BF), and ME (first ever on this web page, boy am I getting bold or what?!) So fans, here you go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(pic deleted, sorry, trying to protect myself from getting fired!>
Are we handsome or WHAT?!
Okay, I finally upgraded my Blogger account so I can do some more fancy stuff! Give me some time to learn how to use this and I'm gonna start adding links, pictures, etc. Are you excited, or what?!!!
Monday, April 07, 2003 :
The weekend was great! I finally had some time to wander around the hood and explore a bit. I joined the 24 Hour Fitness, which is probably the gayest gym in the world -- those of you who've been there, know what I mean. I mean gayer than Queer as Folk! I signed up for a couple sessions with a personal trainer, so I can get my fat content measured and get on a nutrition program, to supplement my current Power 90 program with Tony Horton (there goes another round of Search Engine hits on Tony -- I get lot's of hits, mostly guys looking for nude pictures of the guy LOL). Did I mention the gym is within walking distance? Also within walking distance: restaurants galore, a brand spanking new Trader Joe's, Coffee Bean, and of course entertainment on Sunset and the bars on Santa Monica Blvd. This morning while picking up my coffee at the Bean, I ran into Mr. Tatoo man -- the cute German I met a while back at the Rooster Fish in Venice Beach. I snapped a picture of his nude body (so where IS IT you ask?? -- I know, I know, I STILL have to figure out how to add pictures, and when I do, look out, I'll be getting millions of hits!) -- anyway, I recognized him (hard to miss -- his whole body is a tatoo) and smiled and said hello. He remembered me, asked for my card (again) and we had a little conversation about the gym. It appears he has a personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness also -- 6 times a week. He is one determined (and it shows) boy!
Besides wandering the Hood, I also got out and saw Chicago (the movie, not the city). Funny, I never really knew the story line of the show! A story of a bunch of women who kill their Men, lie to get out of jail, and become heroes. Is that a comment on the moral fabric of our country and justice system? Apparently it was when it was first written (?) But yes, it was definitely entertaining, but I agree that Richard Gere was good, but not worthy of an Academy Award nomination. He was not cast very well in the role he played. Somehow that role needed to be someone with more spunk, more animated, more charistmatic. My opinion for what it's worth.
And to top off the weekend, I took a short drive the the J. Paul Getty Museum in the late afternoon on Sunday. It was a clear gorgious day. I wandered through the amazing Central Garden and took in the view of Los Angeles with the Pacific Ocean glistening in the sunlight behind it. Catalina Island could be seen (rare) as clear as day in the background. The garden and the view alone made the day wonderful. I did see some of the exhibits -- paintings, photography, ancient art, etc. and that was very enjoyable also.
And then that evening I watched Queer as Folk and 6 Feet Under (my first time). Then I konked out before ever making it to bed and woke up at 3 a.m. and finally tucked myself in.
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
