Monday, March 31, 2003 :
Did I mention that I prayed I could get this to work? I did and it worked. For the first time since I moved into this place and got this 'fast' modem. I prayed, it works. Hmmm.
Well, we're all virgins once. Tonight, for the first time, I'm blogging from home. After hours of tedium, I finally got my "fast" cable modem to actually WORK!!!! This could stop working at any moment, so I won't waste any more breath. Why am I excited about blogging tonight? I saw a movie, TRICK, that I absolutely must comment on NOW while it's fresh on my mind. It was Ernesto (the hottie from New York here taking 'acting' classes) who suggested I watch it. The movie is now one of my all time favorites. Why that is will be difficult for me to say. The story is about a boy who is a wanna-bee songwriter who is inexperienced in the gay scene who meets a go-go boy and it goes from there. The go-go boy is so go-go gorgeous, and their attempt at having sex keeps getting thwarted. As it goes, they actually get to know each other and start to fall for each other before the actual DEED. It is so romantic, so cute, so adorable, you wanna cry. I did. Anyway, it reminds me of when I first came out about 6 years ago and I went to Laguna Beach to the Boom boom room and there was a go-go boy dancing on the bar named Abraham. He was so handsome (duh?!) and in my freshly out drunken stuper asked him "do you do private dances?" -- well duh, yes for a price he did. I was staying at a hotel nearby and yes he came over and we had sex. Wow. Wow because he actually seemed like he had fun and liked me! We ended up becoming friends and we'd get together for fun without pay involved. Anyway, enough about that except to say the movie sort of reminded me of that scenario. And then Ernesto. He's go-go boy material. Truly. And yet he and I meet by chance and have sex, and have fun, and he suggests this movie, and well you get how my emotions get all involved.
That's the best I can describe it. I"m emotional! I cried my eyes out. I loved the movie. I related. It touched me, and I'm happy about that. I should point out that it was only a few months ago I decided to finally go completely off the anti-depressants (Celexa) which I'd cut back to half of one pill per day. I was afraid to go off because of how the stress tends to creep up on me and before I know it stress turns into depression and I'm beyond help. But I was determined to go off the meds because I wanted to truly FEEL, to experience my natural emotions. Tonight I felt emotions like a human should -- I saw a great movie that reminded me of me, my past, and I cried. As life should be.
I finally hooked up with my friend Carlos and his new BF after several months of silence. He called and invited me to have dinner with his BF and some other of his friends at the Stinking Rose restaurant in Los Angeles. The name is a crack up! I did not read up on the history of the name, but let me tell you it is a garlic restaurant. Everything has LOT's of garlic. Very yummy, but let me tell you that I am Stinking Today! Carlos and his BF Leighton offered to do the cooking if/when I have a housewarming party. So nice! I'm gonna take them up on that, and I'm thinking two weeks for the party.
S. and R. came by yesterday and we hung around my pool. The night before, R. , S. , Mario (R's ex who he still lives with) all walked down to WEHO to the Mother Lode. There Mario met up with a friend of his, and R's friend Joe hooked up with us. There we all were, having a nice time. I ended up talking quite a bit with Mario's friend. My friends thought that we were going to end up going home together! But no, we were just enjoying conversation and each others company. Anyway, Robert left his car parked out front and S. drove him home (in more ways than one I'm sure) and they came back Sunday to hang out at the pool and to get Robert's car. After they left I went over to the Grove shopping center in Beverly Hills for the first time. Wow. That is a nice place. I'd like to go back again when I have more time -- restaurants, movie theaters, outdoor fountains and entertainment. And the Farmer's Market is there too.
I've decided to attend my nephew's graduation and party which means I'm headed to Albuequerque to see my sis's house for the first time! I'm going May 17th - 19th. Should be fun. My Mom is going and we'll probably fly in together.
The weather today is very very nice. Beautiful day.
Thursday, March 27, 2003 : Whew. Finally a respite. I feel like I've just been let gently down after having been flying in the air by a hurricane for about a month. It's been exhilarating, breathless, exciting, exhausting, and yes, I’m glad I’ve landed. With all the stress associated with uprooting and moving a residence, on top of things picking up significantly at work -- I’m surprised I survived as well as I did. I feel like I’m finally settling in at my new place. It’s feeling like home. Kitty loves it and has found his sunny spots to nap during the day, and of course he still enjoys sleeping next to my warm body at night. He’s into his routine as well -- nudging me with his nose at about 4:30 a.m. wanting me to pet him or play with him. And I’m into my old routine response -- “KITTY” in a loud voice -- and he shuts up for a few minutes cuz he knows he’s in trouble. Then “Meow” softly, almost inaudible -- as if to say “Please? Won’t you please pet me?” At which time I can not resist and I pull him against my hip with my arm and he begins to purr and settles into the wedge between my arm and torso. We both go back to sleep until I either wake up naturally about 6 a.m. or the alarm goes off.
Even the new commute is becoming routine. I’ve found a peaceful shortcut around the hustle and bustle of all the impatient commuters -- right through Beverly Hills. There’s a stop sign every block -- 4-way stop sign. But very little traffic, and at least I keep moving -- as opposed to getting stuck through 2 or 3 cycles of a red light on the Blvd. behind a thousand other frustrated motorists. The other day I was driving home and when I got to the Beverly Hills section of my commute, I had on some classical music. As I came to each intersection with the stop sign -- all equidistant apart -- I could not help but laugh, it felt like I was in a “traffic ballet”. The music, the multi-million dollar homes and gardens on all sides, the lack of traffic, the peaceful feeling -- I swear it felt like I was floating on a cloud or in some 3rd dimensional auto ballet. Crazy I know. But I felt it.
As I drive to/from work each day now, I try to think of something profound to say here in these logs. I thought of something this morning but you know what? I can’t remember what it was!
Until next time -- Peace on Earth. Goodwill towards humankind. And all that.
Tuesday, March 25, 2003 :
My apologies to my friends who I had linked to my page. I need to figure out what happened to those links.
My birthday is March 16. Here is what my horoscope said for that day: "You are spiritual, attracted to study of philosophy, religion and esoteric subjects. You are romantic, possess a subtle kind of sex appeal. You can make wrong choices in relationships, have tendency to overlook glaring faults in others. You "learn the hard way" but usually emerge victorious. Virgo, other Pisces natives play unique roles in your life. Change of residence, marital status in picture for 2003."
Wow. That is me! Very accurate. So far, I've moved in 2003. If the rest is true, I'll be meeting that special someone! I'm certainly in the neighborhood to meet him?!
Had a family birthday party at my place on Sunday which went very well. I finally got my dining table set and coffee table out of storage from Mom's and the place looks FABULOUS (a gay word to say "it looks nice"). I'm so very pleased with my new place, how it feels (very inviting and warm, friendly) and where it is. I've not once gone down (no pun intended) to the SM Blvd. (again, none intended) to cruise, but I'll get around to that eventually -- just been too busy!
I've been bad again. I'm falling behind here and in other areas of my life. Too damn busy! But enough whining and here's an update.
Sunday I celebrated my birthday at my new WEHO pad with my friend S. and his BF R. . They are so cute and so much fun. I bought a barbecue for my patio that morning and we popped its' cherry and S. cooked for us. We had Salmon and veggies -- all cooked to perfection in foil on the grill. I had learned that neat little trick a few years back and showed it to S. and he loves it. So do I. It's so easy, so healthy, and it's fun to cook on the BBQ with a glass of wine in hand... especially when most of the rest of the world is suffering through what they call Winter. You see, we don't really get Winter in L.A. Yeah it rains (and boy does it ever), but it's gone in a couple days and then the air is clear, clean and everything is soooo beautiful. Anyway, I digress. My new place -- I love it. Before moving in a week or so ago, I had the ceilings scraped and painted, new paint everywhere (with lovely choices of colors) and a new dishwasher installed. I'm still decorating, but it's looking great! Now this Sunday it's my family's turn to celebrate at my place for my house-warming/birthday party.
So what other area am I falling behind in you ask? Well the work out routine -- but only a little. And I have a good excuse -- I moved! But I have made good progress in my first 30 days of the program. I'm down three pounds, my waist has shrunk a bit, and I'm definitely getting strong and lean. Now only 60 days to go. My problem the past few days has been getting up early enough to do it. Now that I'm living in WEHO it takes me longer to get to work and thus I need to get up earlier. And that's been VERY difficult because of......
My drinking. Yeah, all the stress of the move and the world (hear the excuses?) has definitely made it difficult for me to cut back on the alcohol as I wanted to. And so, getting out of bed after a bottle or so of wine has not been easy. BUT, I am determined to get back on course with the moderated drinking (or none at all may be the only choice here) and the excercise routine. I'm not so far off track that I've lost ground.
What else? Ernesto is still in the picture. He's calling me today after his photo shoot and we're gonna get together for a drink and maybe a "shoot" of our own :)
Wow do I have a lot of catching up to do. My life has been insane since the last entry, and it's almost back to normalcy, so I'm gettin' ready to keep this up again.
The move was a pain in the neck (literally) but very successful. My friend Ernesto helped me (God Bless him!) and so did S. (in the a.m.). But whew! My check I used to close escrow bounced, the contractors doing work prior to move in were behind schedule..... the list goes on. But I'm in. All my boxes unpacked. Pictures hung. DSL and Cable all hooked up. The only thing left is getting some things from Mom's garage (dining table, coffee table, misc. sh*t). And then I'm DONE DONE DONE. This is about move #12 since the Northridge earthquake (about 9 years ago?), and since I'm buying, I sincerely hope this is my last move for a VERY LONG time. I love the location in West Hollywood. Although I haven't had much chance to "wander about", I look forward to it. Coffee shops, the Blvd., the Sunset Strip, all within easy walking distance. The neighbors seem cool so far, and lot's of fags everywhere! Yippee!!! I'm havin' a birthday party, a house warming party and a "Lilly Festival" party (more on that later) at my house in the coming weeks!
Formerly "A Day in the life of a Gay Guy", I've changed the name to reflect more of how I'm thinking. Being Gay is not the focal point of my life. I'm a guy with interests like everyone else, I just happen to be Gay.
